- September 10, 2023
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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Hello,
My ex (36M) and I (31F) lived together as common law. We didn’t sign anything but I believe that it is automatic in Canada after 1-3 years of living together (3y in AB). We purchased a house together in May 2021. We both put 50% into the down payment, and then split all the bills and mortgage payments in half. As to other expenses, we didn’t really count. Although, major purchases he wanted, he’d make me pay half (by shaming me for denying him this item he wanted), but if I wanted something, I’d just go and buy it. We make about the same amount of money per year.
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We broke up a year ago (Or at least in my mind. I think he still refuses to believe it and keeps telling me that if we’re back together, he will change his behavior and treat me well). I moved to a different room. At first, he was trying to prevent it by not letting me sleep, saying that he couldn’t sleep alone and that I just don’t care about his sleep, him, and that I just want to punish him (while I just wanted to break up?). He tried to move my stuff back into the master bedroom and bathroom. But then he gave up (not after me being very down and crying on multiple occasions). All this time (for over a year now), I tried to convince him to either sell the house and move on or buy me out. He would say he’d do it, but then says that I made it up, and he never said it. Then, sometimes, we’d agree on the amount he’d pay to me, but then he’d again change his mind and say that that never happened and we never agreed on anything. His reasoning for not wanting to sell the house is that he worked very hard for it, and he can’t afford anything on his own if we sell it. If he buys me out, he’d just be working to make mortgage payments without any life enjoyment. But, I also worked hard, and I am in the same situation, and I feel like he’s just treating me like an accessory to his lifestyle now.
I was trying to avoid the lawyers and was just trying to comfort him with all the breaking up and the life changes. I do feel bad for him. I never moved out because I thought that if I moved out, I’d just never see my money for the house ever again (because, well, he won’t sell). And then, I’d be still responsible for mortgage payments, and my partner is unpredictable. Multiple times he told me that he’d rather burn down the house because nothing matters anymore (I think it was just emotional, but I know that he is capable of that too).
But time goes and nothing changes. I am quite exhausted emotionally and don’t really have any social support, so that contributed to my inability to act for so long.
What can be done here? Can I move out and force him to either pay me out or sell the house? How long can this take?
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I contacted a real estate agent for a free evaluation of the house price. My ex told me that this price is ridiculous and that we won’t be able to sell it for this much. And if he were to pay me out, he’d pay me 35% less than what we’d get if the house sold for the price the real estate agent was saying. When I tell him that okay, why wouldn’t I pay you out for this amount then, he says it’s too little for him.
A few days ago I brought it up again. Besides him saying again something like “Why do you hate me so much?” and “I’m sorry it is so BAD to live with me,” he told me that I need to pay for an appraisal if I want (so basically, get a second opinion on the price on my own because he didn’t like the first), and if I want to sell the house so much, then fine, sell, but he won’t allow to do any staging to take pictures or help keep the house clean for showings. I’m afraid he’d just be making a mess on purpose.
(I don’t hate him, I just want my life to stop stagnating. It is also very stressful living with a person whose mood changes very quickly, and you never know which version of him you’d meet when you go home).
I feel like I exhausted all options in trying to solve this civilly. And I guess I will have to part with lots of money paying for lawyers and more! My problem is that, although we make about the same amount of money (and sometimes he makes more than me yearly), he spends much more on himself and I save. I am not 100% sure, but I do believe that I have much more in savings than he does because he was just spending a lot. Since we never really separated (kept living in this house), does it mean that I have to go through the whole divorce process with the division of assets if I contact a lawyer or can we just split the house and part ways?
I spent almost 5 years with him, and the whole relationship has been a struggle. He can be a good guy, and I really tried to stay friends. But nothing works.
I am looking to get a lawyer at this point, but I wanted to see what people on the Internet say. Also, how do you choose a good lawyer? I don’t want to just lose everything by paying the fees.
Thanks!
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Remember, AI Legalese Decoder can serve as a helpful tool throughout the process, but it is essential to consult with a qualified lawyer for tailored advice based on your specific circumstances.
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****** just grabbed a
Go see a lawyer. Even with a common law divorce, the concept of partition and sale exists – basically, one party can force the other to sell the property. But given there are likely intertwining issues, a lawyer is best to handle this.
I’ll echo others’ advice: you need a lawyer.
Family lawyers are obligated to tell their clients about alternative dispute resolution mechanisms. This means that the process doesn’t have to be ugly, long, and expensive.
While you have identified the house as your main concern, you should also know about asset division as a whole. In general, there is a presumption of 50/50 division of ALL assets and liabilities. This means your savings are also in play. You should also know that your date of separation is important for asset division. Make sure you have evidence of it (e.g., a text message, email, etc).
I reiterate, get a lawyer.
Seek legal advice from a lawyer to navigate this issue. Your partner will have to sell in this situation. The court will order it.
How in GodÔÇÿs name have you been living like this for a year???
Give up ANY notion you may have of him behaving like a normal person and treat him as a hostile obstacle to you living your life. Get a lawyer and sue. Sue hard. Inform your family and friends of what is going on. If his family goes after you, inform them as well. Record any threats, episodes of crazy, verbal agreements, etc. Record everything.
Seriously, a lawyer is your best bet of getting out of this.
AB family lawyer here. Go talk a lawyer.
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If your name is on title, get a lawyer and get a court to order the place listed for sale under the Petition and Sale Act. He will have no right of first refusal, so once it’s listed if he wants it, he’s got to compete with the general public. In other words, if you care about him still, give him a heads up but with a time limit. Something along the lines of “I’ve started the paperwork to force the sale of the house. It takes a while to get a court date, so if you want to buy me out, you have 2 months to talk to a bank or a broker and make me a formal offer to purchase my half. But this is legitimate, so if you dont make up your mind by the time the court date comes up, I’m going to proceed with my plans”.
This is a decent summary of the process used to force the sale of a co-owned piece of property: https://kahanelaw.com/partition-and-sale-real-estate-alberta/
You may have other rights or liabilities though if you were adult interdependent partners previously (with at least three years in a relationship of interdependence, often meaning living together). You should speak to a family lawyer. The best way to find one you can trust is word of mouth. Ask friends, family, and acquaintances if theyÔÇÖve had good experiences with anyone.
Contact a lawyer about forcing the sale. In the meantime, build up your support network of family and friends and have them visit you regularly at the house. This will stymie any efforts he’s made to isolate you and give you some protection should he try to escalate.
Talk to a lawyer and see if you can move out. This man is toxic and possibly dangerous. DonÔÇÖt live with him anymore and staying friends is a terrible idea.
Seems like you exhausted all avenues, and you tried to be civil. He is also manipulating you to being married to the house.
Maybe if you explained to him that you are trying to do this without a lawyer (trust me, they are expensive).
I was also in your shoes where my ex wanted a boat, a truck… I put the down payment on the house and paid off his condo… I didn’t see a dime from that sale
YouÔÇÖre married to a petulant little boy who is throwing a continuous tantrum. Get a lawyer immediately and let them handle it.
Call a lawyer!
IÔÇÖm sorry OP, but itÔÇÖs time to be blunt and rip that bandaid off, heÔÇÖs definitely not taking this break up seriously and thereÔÇÖs no room left for these back and forth games of his. If youÔÇÖre serious about wanting out and leaving him behind, you have to do it formally and sternly.
You need to go to him with someone you trust who can help should he try to escalate things and tell him enough is enough, your relationship has been over for a year and with or without his help the house is getting sold. Do some research on the agencyÔÇÖs youÔÇÖd consider using and give him their information to look over, explain youÔÇÖve done the hard work for him and have narrowed the realtors to these options, he can either pick one and you both work together amicably to get the house sold, or he can be difficult and your lawyer will be in contact to go down the formal route of selling your assets which in the long term will mean heÔÇÖll get even less of a return on the house after lawyer fees. Be firm, if he tries to guilt you donÔÇÖt pity him, if he asks for more time to think give him a hard deadline at which point if he hasnÔÇÖt made a decision your moving forward with your lawyer. At this point he is clinging to any excuse he can that the relationship isnÔÇÖt over, including the idea that youÔÇÖre still living under the same roof which must mean you donÔÇÖt really want to leave and will just get over it, thatÔÇÖs what all this ÔÇ£that never happenedÔÇØ is all about, as soon as youÔÇÖre in a good mood he just assumes the moments over and youÔÇÖre not fighting anymore
You have an appraisal for the house already (so, you have a baseline if he were to do something illegal like setting the house on fire – not least because I assume the mortgage is not paid off, and so there’s, like, three owners of the property, two of which (you and the mortgage holder) would take a very dim view of the third setting the house on fire), and most (all?) lawyers have a free consultation, which should help show you your options.
In my opinion, you have been languishing for a year, and it is time for you to see what other options exist for you, since discussing it with him has done nothing but make you one year older.
Good luck, and honestly, based on what little I know of this situation, you should surround yourself with supportive people. Some people do not react well to being presented with things leaving their control.
Again, and this is if you read nothing else I said, contact a lawyer. They are very suited to guiding you through all the steps you would need to take.
You could try arbitration, might be cheaper.