- April 25, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## Facing a Stage IV Colon Cancer Diagnosis: Planning for the Future
Hello everyone. Sadly, I recently received the devastating news of a stage IV colon cancer diagnosis at the age of 36. Contrary to the odds, there is no family history or symptoms that could have alerted me to this silent threat. Despite beginning treatment, the uncertainty of my prognosis looms heavy, prompting me to contemplate preparations for the inevitable.
In terms of my financial standing, I am married, with our mortgage fully paid off under my husband’s name due to an inheritance predating our relationship. Thankfully, my debts are minimal, consisting solely of manageable credit card balances that are promptly settled each month. My student loans are a thing of the past, as is the repayment of my vehicle.
As for assets, my current holdings amount to approximately $45,000 spread across checking and savings accounts, a modest 401k from my employment, and a pension awaiting full vestment after a decade of service (of which I have completed 5 1/2 years). The specifics of my entitlement to this pension remain unclear given my incomplete tenure.
Despite our independent financial accounts, my husband is designated as the beneficiary for both my 401k and workplace life insurance policy. Reflecting on my lack of a will, the question arises – does the modesty of my assets necessitate its creation? Would it be beneficial to facilitate access to my funds for my husband by adding him to my bank accounts or vehicle title, particularly under California law’s jurisdiction?
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****** just grabbed a
I’m 52 and was diagnosed with cancer last year. My life expectancy was about 1 year, so I’m on the back end of that prediction. 2 adult children and married. First thing I did was write a will ( I don’t have a ton of assets but enough that my ex wife will stick her nose in it). I wrote down all of my passwords for my wife and showed her all my accounts. Set all my bills to auto pay. Pulled back on my investments and added to my HYSA.
You need to focus on the treatment and getting better. It’s a roller coaster ride.
Best of luck to you. Sending hugs!
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See if the bank can add him as a beneficiary on your accounts. This would let him inherit the accounts without going through probate.
So, first off – fuck cancer.
Second, check out the [Cancer Legal Resource Center](https://thedrlc.org/cancer/), [Triage Cancer](https://triagecancer.org/), and [Cancer and Careers](https://www.cancerandcareers.org/en).
If you need any resources – ask me.
Just remember, a stage 4 diagnosis is **not** a death sentence. Being a young adult is helpful in this case! Also, prepare for a lot of “oh my cousin’s goldfish’s grandma had cancer and…”
**End Stage Planning**
– Look into will or trust to avoid taxes upon passing if applicable.
– Make all accounts/titles to be joint from the house, to cars to online accounts and banking.
– Consider writing up a DNR (Do not resesustate) or DNAR (attempt to).
– Provide logins to email accounts and all online CCs.
– Do that thing, or learn that thing you always wanted to. *Even days before his Death Freud continued working even though he knew the end time.*
**Living Stage Planning**
– Let your loved one, prolly husband, know **its ok** to keep you on Chemo, even when you tell him/her you want to quit. *I had to do that with my wife on her breast cancer when she hit rock bottom and wanted to quit; fortunately she survived and its a milestone in her chemo/radiation treatment.
– Tell your family/friends that its ok to process their pain as they see fit. Tell them that you want to be treated the same as before and that to not go out of their way.
– Don’t give up and live life to its fullest; sans pain if its not going to get you where you want to be. That is up to you to live and die pain free.
– Tell your significant other that they can never see someone else and tell your kids, or siblings” that you, and grandma, plan on hovering over them at inopportune times after you pass. *Of course this advice is totally oposite and shouldn’t be the final word…but have some fun before you exit*.
– Be your best self, but also be selfish as needed.
—-
This advice, hard as it was to type, thinking of what my wife went through and the finality(?) of your situation has brought tears to my eyes. *If I was crass in any way…it was unententional*.
TW: worst case scenario warnings regarding end of life.
I’m sorry to hear this. Your diagnosis is not a death sentence. If your disease progresses, please consider the following. Honestly, a lot of these things are items we should all discuss with our loved ones regularly.
I work in hospice and can only give you EOL information but I hope you find it valuable.
Voice record your doctors appointment. Keep a notebook of your daily pain levels 1-10. Record any status changes in the book. Take it to your appointments. Keep a copy of your med list in it. Sign up for online charting. If you get bad news you may be in shock and forget some things, prevent that at all costs.
You qualify for Palliative care now. Take advantage of that resource if you can. Some teams are quite extensive and some are not, do research as you can.
Assuming you are in the U.S. – consider what massive amounts of medical debt might do to your family. Unfortunately for some it is a good idea to liquidate assets out of your name, or consider a paper divorce or division of assets. This is obviously worst case scenario but my best friends mom and dad were looking at about $2m in medical debt, it became their only option. Towards the end of her battle they liquidated her 401k, bought a month long vacation to Costa Rica for their family. She died shortly after their return but I couldn’t think of a better way to honor her.
Decide your advanced directives now. If this, then that. How long do you want to be a full-code? When would you like a DNR in place? Do you want a feeding tube, a ventilator, at what point do you want to stop any interventions?
Does your husband have a good short term disability policy to work with FMLA? He may need it. If family is not available for 24/7 cares are you financially prepared to pay for caregivers? They can range from $27,000-30,000 a month for 24/7 in-home care. Long term care in a facility will run about $15,000 monthly. Do you have family that can care for you in the event you cannot care for yourself.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m a 10 year colon cancer survivor but mine was found early. Treatment was a bear still.
You’re getting good advice on this thread. The only thing I would add is for your husband to consider adding you to the title on the house. Half the value of the house will receive a step up in basis and he’ll pay less tax when/if he eventually sells.
> I do not have a will of any sort, is that something I need if I don’t have many assets?
yes, get a will drawn up.
even without many assets it will be very useful to have.
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Not financial related, but be sure your physician has ordered both germline (hereditary) and tumor (tumor molecular profiling) genetic testing. You never know if there is something in your genes or your tumor that may help prolong life significantly. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey!
Hi OP. I just want to tell you that I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer with mets to intra-abdominal lymph nodes in early 2018 and I’ve been cancer free since 9 months after my initial diagnosis. So please don’t think that Stage IV is an automatic death sentence.
First off, IANAL, and I don’t live in California, but I do know that you should hire an attorney and get a will made. Also, designate your husband as your medical and financial Power of Attorney. Also add him as a joint account holder to your checking and savings accounts . And in my state, you can add someone to the title of your car to designate that the vehicle’s title is to be transferred to that person if you pass away. I would think your state would have a similar process. You’ll definitely want to talk to a lawyer about all this.
Good luck OP, stay strong.
Add your husband as a beneficiary on your savings and checking account. I hope you recover, but you are correct to ensure you are prepared. I would stop using credit cards, or tell your husband the passwords to the accounts, so he can pay any debts. Your estate is responsible for your debts, before he can inherit your checking and savings account. Also check your sick leave at your company as well.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I lost my wife to colon cancer in January. Make sure to get second opinions at large cancer centers if possible, MSK, City of Hope, Anderson I think are the usual suggestions. There are people that are still alive years after a stage 4 diagnosis, it’s worth seeing all your options. My wife unfortunately had far too much spread in her liver to do any sort of surgery.
For financials, make sure any bank accounts/401k/etc that are in your name have beneficiaries assigned. You don’t necessarily need a will if the assets all transfer that way, since they won’t go through probate. It all went fairly smooth for me since everything was jointly owned or had beneficiaries listed.
Other than financial, live and do things you enjoy while you’re able. If things take a turn, it can happen fast. Record videos/take photos/write letters for your loved ones if you’re comfortable with it.
I’m sorry to hear for you and hope you get healthier. You’ll need health directives plus a will. This cost you nothing and keep your assets from going to probate. Most banks will accept wills not sure about others. Add him his name to everything including your bank accounts for good measure.
This is such devastating news at a young age to receive. I sincerely hope you are able to get treated and come out of this diagnosis cancer free.
Something I haven’t seen mentioned is regarding your current work situation. You should look into both short and long term disability coverage with your employer so you can not only hold onto your job and return to work once you’re better but also have some sort of income in the event you’re unable to go to work. Your HR department should also have information on how to file for a workplace accommodation so that if you’re not on disability you can continue to work but with some modified schedule and not have it held against you.
Another thing to consider is whenever open enrollment comes around again for your employer is to substantially increase your coverages and payouts depending on what your situation looks like. You may be able to increase your short or long term disability payments or increase what you’d get from the employer provided life insurance policy without having to go through additional medical checks.
Please get a will, add your husband to your bank accounts, and add him to your title/registration. My father in law died intestate and we were never able to establish an executor because family members challenged it. His estate died out. We lost a $5,000 savings account, $25,000 land, and a $10,000 life insurance policy made out to the estate, not to mention $5,000 spent in legal fees trying to see it through. His assets went to the state and no one can claim them. We had to just walk away because of a jealous sister who interfered.
This is going to sound fucked up, but please take it as intended, a financial maneuver to secure your family.
You should consider getting divorced. If you have a protracted battle with cancer, costs can soar in to the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Being married, your husband will likely be liable for those debts. Why? California is a community property state, which makes both people liable for debts incurred during the marriage. If you survive, you can bankrupt yourself and get those debts wiped while your family stays insulated. Then when you’re up to it, you can “renew your vows” which will just be another real marriage. nobody even has to know.
He can remain the beneficiary on your accounts, and named in your will as the inheritor and not be your husband.
You’ve got a lot of other practical advice, I’ll add get yourself a 3″ 3 ring binder, some 3 hole punch paper, and a stack of those page protector plastic sleeves. Write down your notes and keep your post visit paperwork in the sleeves next to your notes. You can add dividers too and organize by date or by doctor/doctor type. Take it with you to every appointment.
Off topic, but my mom had stage iv colon cancer in 1998 and she is still alive to this day. My one suggestions see the best cancer hospital that you can get to – they all don’t get access to the same medicine and resources.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, it’s so scary. Fuck cancer. I’m 37, diagnosed stage 3b colon cancer last spring. If you need any support, or just want to scream about having cancer at 36 feel free to reach out.
I also used to work in estate planning in California (although I’m not a lawyer). I’d recommend seeing if you have a local attorney who offers complimentary consultations,it may be useful in helping you think of all the pieces. I think having a POA and healthcare directive in addition to a will would make sense. Ensure all your beneficiaries are updated and list your husband (assuming you want him to have the stuff).
Again, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Sending you good thoughts.
Very sorry to hear your situation. Wish you the best.
You can give your car to your husband as a gift (this is preferable to willing it, because the car will not have to go into probate). Transfer the title into his name. If you were to pass away and he wants to sell it later, it may be more complicated if your name is still on it.
You can add your husband to the bank account. Clear out the credit card debt from your savings and set it on autopay from the bank, this eliminates any risk of problems coming up with that later.
You will have to talk to HR at work about your pension terms. If it can be transferred they can help you set that up. You may also have the option to cash it out for a lump sum, but whether you should would depend on the family’s financial situation [this may be a taxable event].
As for the rest of your stuff, you can and should write up a will with an estate attorney. Most of your stuff would pass to hubby automatically anyway, but it’s better for it to be clear in writing what you want to happen to your chattel (all other property besides real estate, money, and car). This will cost about $500 if it’s “everything to hubby”. The attorney should keep a copy, as should hubby.
Oof. So sorry to hear this.
>
I do not have a will of any sort, is that something I need if I don’t have many assets? Should I add my husband to my bank accounts to make it easier for him to have access if/when I pass? Should I add him to the title on my car?
You should be talking to an estate attorney as soon as possible. You don’t know what you don’t yet know.
You may need a will depending on your wishes. You should add your husband to your bank account. You should add him to the title of your car. Your lawyer will advise you.
You need a living will ASAP. This will state what direction you’d like to be taken in the event you’re no longer able to make those decisions yourself (for example, if you fell into a coma). A living will states whether you want resuscitation should it become necessary or if you’d like a DNR (do not resuscitate). A living will can also determine whether you’d like to be put on life support or not.
You should also draft a normal will as well. This will make it easier to transfer assets to your parter in the event of your passing.
I highly reccomend using a lawyer to draft both of these and file them. Google “probate and estate lawyer (city you live in, California” its not expensive at all, less than $500 iirc.
I’m sorry about your diagnosis. I hope treatment goes well for you and you kick cancers ass.
Just a couple of things you have not asked, but might also help your financial planning: I have a terminal illness (neuromuscular disease, not cancer) and qualified for Medicare and SSDI. You can draw SSDI even if you have disability through an employer, and they may expedite the application process and approval given your diagnosis (they did mine, and it was approved and I received a check within something like 4 or 5 months — I was surprised how fast given the governments involvement). Medicare has palliative care, and hospice benefits, though I am not sure of the waiting period outside of my own condition. Good luck to you and your journey ahead. I wish you strength.
>the small life insurance policy I have through work
Just adding to say if your husband needs this money to figure out if this is portable or what the limitations are for being employed to receive it.
Yes on the bank account, yes on the car, yes on all beneficiaries, and yes on a formal will (do one online if you want, your situation doesn’t seem complicated and it’s only ~$300).
I’m sorry you and your family have to deal with this. Fight hard!
(Source: widowed last year because of that vile disease).
I’m sorry about your diagnosis.
Yes you should have a will drawn up. If the worst happens, it will save your spouse many headaches and make it easier for him to settle your affairs. You also should create a health care proxy and durable power of attorney now while you are of sound mind and able to do so.
Your spouse should also have these documents prepared for himself if he hasn’t already.
Depending on your state, for a married couple to have an estate package, you can expect to pay $1500-3000.
Check your state rules by googling the name of your state abd “intestate” to find out what happens if you do not have a will. It may be that your husband and parents will split anything that remains in your accounts without beneficiaries.
Wishing you an enjoyable time here, however long that may be.
Not financial exactly, but please, please get a living will/healthcare power of attorney drawn up. Your spouse will be your next of kin in the US, but it also states your wishes like whether you’d want to be fed artificially if you were alive but unable to eat or speak, and whether you want CPR to be done, resulting in you being on a ventilator if successful. See if your oncologist has a standard form and can talk through what all of the options mean. It will make things much, much easier for your husband and family, and can help avoid family putting pressure on him if he’s making decisions based on your wishes. It also avoids your husband wasting money on things no one wants.
My heartfelt comfort to you in what ever way.
Pay a lawyer to do your will. You have assets. You’re young. Make sure you can change it.
Also, i am sure you were already asked and have answered the end of life Dnr questions. If not, make you wishes clear to your husband and solidify that with the lawyer.
I think it would be best to add him as a joint account holder on your account to avoid probate. You can also add him to your car title but might have to pay some fees for that.
As long as you don’t think he will take the money and run lol
But you can put a stipulation that he can’t withdraw a certain amount without both signatures if anything. I’m sure a death certificate can get rid of that.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you on the path of recovery
I just wanted to add that you should apply for SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance). With your diagnosis you qualify for a “fast tracked” approval. I don’t know your situation but you can collect some even if you are still working, but it’s good to apply now so that it’s there in case you need it.
I’m sorry.
Have you stopped working or gone on sick leave? If yes, you should file for Social Security disability.
Stage 4 survivor here. First – hang on. Don’t let it ruin your life. It will be hard, it will be rough, but attitude is everything. I won’t help you with financial stuff, however hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Will will help. Also if you didn’t do it – add your husband to your phone just in case. Is it for 2FA or some documents – you never know when that access will be needed.
Good luck!
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m in remission from a different type of cancer and likely to die long before my husband, so I’ve had to think through the same things:
It helps that you’re married, because your assets automatically go to your husband. I would add him to your bank accounts and the title of your car now so it is never an issue later and so he can help manage things if you need him to. I also have a Google doc that I shared with my husband and keep updated with retirement account numbers.
A visit to a lawyer to draw up a simple will is also a good idea. I did mine online, but I feel like the result was overly complicated. I will probably pay a lawyer to make a new one for me at some point. If you haven’t been contacted by a social worker, you could ask if one is available to you. I got a call from a social worker the day of my diagnosis who kept tabs on me for a while and helped with thinking through logistics.
This really sucks.
You said you have a car. See if your state allows you to name a beneficiary on the title. Texas does. This allows the car to pass outside of probate. Avoiding probate is a good thing.
I recommend a medical and financial power of attorney. You can download forms and have them notarized. Also an advance medical directive. It makes it a little easier in your loved ones.
I would add him to your bank accounts. I would also leave him all passwords to accounts etc that you have. Make a list of everything you have and where it is. He may already know this stuff but never hurts to have a list as he likely will be grieving and have a lot of things to settle
In California you can add someone as an “or” on your title. Which means either or person can sell it. The way I understand it, it’ll make it easier when you pass. You’re getting a lot of good advice. Add your husband as the beneficiary on all your account and get a will so probate is easy/ not needed.
I also recommend writing down all your passwords and accounts so that he can get into things.
I’m wish you nothing but the best, but it’s smart that you’re preparing for the worst.
You and your husband BOTH need a will, living will and healthcare power of attorney.
Having had one relative go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester and one to Anderson in Texas I would advise to see if you can get in at a top hospital – at least for a second opinion. I know it sounds dramatic – but it’s really not. Those are places for regular folks like us. And I assure you if your doctor had your diagnosis they would be be researching which hospitals have the best outcomes with this particular issue and traveling there. People do tend to go there after their first try isn’t successful – it is better to start at the most successful place you can get to. And that money you’ve been saving? Well this is that rainy day. Buy the plane ticket.
Im sorry this is happening to you. The diagnosis is scary and all-consuming. People may say and do some dumb stuff – please know that nobody has a crystal ball. but also we found if there is any silver lining to the experience it’s the unexpected kindness people showed. And the perspective on life that you get when your treatment is successful.
What are the symptoms you had? I am sorry to hear what you’re going through but there is still hope. My heart goes out to you.
i was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on 2004; still here. Plan for the worst; hope for the best
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Sorry about your diagnosis. I would start with a will, and put his name on all the accounts (assuming you want all your assets to go to him).
So sorry to hear…
First and foremost, focus on your health and happiness, everything else will be ok. For anyone, no matter if they are facing a difficult medical situation or not should take the steps below to get their ‘house’ in order. As a financial planner, I unfortunately have had many of these conversations… based solely on what you shared, here are a few things to consider…
1. It sounds like you maintain separate bank accounts and portfolios. If your bank accounts are not already titled JTWROS (jointly titled with rights of survivorship), you should do so. Otherwise, you can add your husband as a TOD beneficiary (transfer on death). Both options can be done in person at the bank. This will make it easy for him if and when he is set to inherit assets.
2. You should not only have a will, but a power of attorney and healthcare proxy written up by an estate planning attorney. Depending on where you live in CA, it can cost $1500-$3000 for basic documents, as you seem to have a pretty simple estate. The financial power of attorney allows your husband to sign legal documents should you be legally incapacitated and the healthcare proxy allows you to lay out your medical directives and wishes.
3. Make a list of logins/passwords and any credit cards, loans, investments, savings, etc. you may have so he can properly contact the custodians if and when.
4. Double check that your beneficiary designation is properly set at your current employer for your life insurance and retirement accounts. Also, if you have any old retirement plans or IRAs from past employers, ensure those are either consolidated into one retirement account or that they have the proper beneficiary listed. Your spouse will be able to rollover your retirement assets into his own retirement account if and when that time comes by submitting a beneficiary claim form and a certified copy of a death certificate.
Sending my best. – JS