- May 17, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## Financial Anxiety Impacting Marriage
I struggle with financial anxiety, and its effects are now seeping into my marriage as well. The constant worry and stress have put me on edge, affecting not just my mental well-being but also our relationship.
We have a safety net in the form of investments and an emergency fund. Both my wife and I are employed, providing a cushion in case of unexpected circumstances. If we were to face a scenario where we both lose our jobs, we have calculated that our resources would sustain us until October of the following year. Even then, we have additional investments that could cover us for another 8-9 months. Only as a last resort would we turn to credit options. This financial planning gives us peace of mind, knowing that even in the worst-case scenario, we have a financial buffer that could last us until April 2026. In the case of just one of us losing our job, our financial security extends even further, providing stability until 2030.
## Dealing with Financial What-Ifs
Despite our seemingly solid financial position, I can’t shake off the constant “what-ifs” that plague my mind. The fear of homelessness and the uncertainty of the future continue to consume me. The increasing frequency of layoff news only adds to my anxiety. My wife, on the other hand, is eager to embark on a luxurious vacation this year, while I stress the importance of saving for unforeseen circumstances.
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****** just grabbed a
Therapy is always an option.
This is probably deeply routed in the way you were raised.
Check out the podcast by Ramit Sethi called “I will teach you to be rich” as well as his “conscious spending plan” which you can download from his website and complete.
The idea is to categorize your spending into just 4 categories: fixed costs, savings, investments, and guilt-free spending.
Theres always work. You said you can keep going for at least 8-9 months in an emergency right? Well during that time you can easily find a factory job that pays above min wage and apply to jobs in your related industry in the meantime. There’s ALWAYS options. We usually think of the worst case, but if the time ever comes, usually we find ways. It’s easy to think of the worst case I know.
EDIT: After reading your recent posts and comments on Reddit…you need help.
Your biggest risk factor for becoming homeless is a divorce. Your anxiety-led behaviour is certainly pushing you towards that possibility at some point. Good luck.
Sounds like you are in a great position . You have an emergency fund that appears to be substantial along with investments . You are already ahead of the majority of people . Continue investing , budgetting, and also spend some money and have some fun . Seems to me that you may never feel safe financially which would lead me to believe some form of counseling might be worth looking into .
Hi there, I agree with some of the others that therapy/counseling might be a good option. If either you or your wife have a group benefits plan through your employer with coverage, you could use that. And/or if you have access to an EAP (Employee Assistance Program), you could use that too. Many EAPs have specific options for financial or other stress. Hope this helps!
Honestly, you probably need therapy. Your anxiety isn’t rational. You say yourself that you are actually in a good place financially, so what are you looking for here? Some reassurance from online strangers? There’s a whole world of “real” financial struggle out there that would shock you.
I can’t remember what happened to me, but all I cared about was maxing $… Then one day I realized life is short and it’s meant to live.
As long as all bills paid, and a little bit in the bank, I’m good with it.
You have a 17 month emergency fund to last you until Oct 2025?! It seems a bit excessive, but also I’m guessing you saved that much due to a history of financial anxiety.
If your anxiety is keeping you from living your life, going on vacation, and enjoying time with your partner it’s probably time for therapy and possibly anxiety medication to help get past this.
Good luck!
Do you work in a industry or for a company where layoffs are rampant? It is normal to have a healthy fear of job loss if that is your case. If you are in like the government as a permanent employee theres no need to worry about job security in most cases.
I’m having a hard time lately not thinking about money. It’s scary how high my monthly expenses are, and there’s almost nothing I can do about it. What’s worse is knowing things will go up… Basically everything… taxes, hydro, internet, you name it.
It. Just. Keeps. Going. Up.
I check my bank account online more than 10 times a day just processing what the hell I should do to get ahead. I’m taking too many shifts, and my quality of life is almost non-existent. All I do is work. I make so little time for family and myself. I keep telling myself, one day I’ll be ahead enough that it’s worth it. Deep down I don’t really believe that.
I wanted to reas a story on this sub from someone who has average finances. I guess I am disappointed again.
You seem to be in a good spot (dare I say great spot even) financially. Did you grow up poor/working class? Your financial anxiety may stem from previous worry about financial instability.
What about your support network. Do you have parents, aunts, uncles, cousins that can pool money for a bridge loan?
Lots of ppl will lean on family for emergency funding. There’s no shame in it.
My wife has financial stress. I think you also need to think about where this comes from. Hers I believe stems from coming as a refugee to this country with with nothing and some family trauma as a result of her life in her motherland and in the transition in Canada.
Part of what we’ve done to combat that may not have been the most smartest financially. But honestly are things that have given us peace of mind and comfort. For example we’ve paid off our house over putting that money into investments where we may have gotten better returns that historic interests. But you know what now when rates are rising we’re not concerned at all. We also have invested regularly and consistently over the last 12 years. And now have a pretty sizable emergency fund and assets we can tap into if required.
She still has anxiety and stress and sometimes it comes up. And I have to calm her down and say we will be fine we’ve done x and y to prepare for most scenarios and then she’s alright. And as everyone else has mentioned therapy. She goes and it has been great for her and us.
Wishing you all the best. Sounds like you’re on the right path but it will take work to move past. But try and understand why you have the stress what you have I’m pretty sure it must tie to some trauma or experiences you’ve had with money growing up.
[Canada Unemployment Rate (tradingeconomics.com)](https://tradingeconomics.com/canada/unemployment-rate)
When you visit the page, check out graph, max out the timeline. The graph shows 3 spikes above 11%, and a few hard years in the 80s and 90s with prolonged over 9% unemployment.
Both losing your jobs in the near future is a highly unlikely scenario, unless **both of you are working in market sensitive industries?** You mention you work in not recession proof jobs, in one of your comments.
Today, roughly at 6% unemployment, there’s almost not been a better time in Canada to be employed, since the mid 70s!
– – –
11% x 11% = 1.2% that you’d both be out of a job, in an 11% unemployment scenario, where job type doesn’t matter. Both staying employed – over 79%.
If we think statistics are lying to us, even using 25% unemployment, 25% x 25% = 6.25%, so again, not very likely in a 25% unemployment scenario, job type doesn’t matter. The chance of both staying employed in this tough scenario is just above 50%, 56.25%.
I have similar stress but not about homelessness just about having to tap into a lot of savings as my partner is now unemployed and everything ofc is getting more expensive…
I think a few things that can be done…
1- worrying won’t help so think about what can be done. Maybe side hustle?
2- accept times are hard right now for everyone and it will pass
3- practice gratitude. Accept that you have a great life and are still very privileged and there are ppl already homeless or worse
im in your shoes too.
what works for me is knowing the following:
1) you will have EI for an extended period of time
2) at the very worst you end up with a part time job making minimjm wage.
3) you can always sell your space and live elsewhere.
4) planning. plan what youre going to do if you get into that situation.
– lose job. your savings and EI should give you at least 8 months of room to find anything. If at at the 6 months mark, id start planning on getting defensive with costs. id probably throw in my app for the military and have that as a fall back also.
Seems like you’re well prepared, bro. Some level of anxiety is normal because capitalism breeds anxiety. This is a dog eat dog world that we live in. Good luck to you.
What’s your household income? Do you have a mortgage?
Yeah just have a good diverse portfolio don’t keep only cad assets.
You’ve received a lot of good advice but just wanted to add a strategy that may help. Set an amount per month to put into savings (10%, 20%, 30%, whatever is feasible and reasonable). Once you have “paid” your savings each month, the rest can be spent if you or your wife choose. I find that it helps me because there’s a goal to reach and once I’ve reached it for that month, I’ve given myself permission to enjoy the rest of that money (if I want to).
Therapy is a heck of a lot cheaper than divorce. Heck, it may well be free, assuming one of your or her job has benefits.
Figure out backup options, I don’t mean line of credit. I mean like if you lost your job, how are you going to create more cash flow?
Maybe door to door sales? Maybe apply to a bunch of retail jobs? Maybe flip products?
You can buy a tent and move to a city with a warmer climate like Vancouver.
You may want to read the book – The Psychology of Money, see if it helps calm you down.
This sounds like a deeply rooted anxiety and I genuinely think it would be a good idea to seek out a professional therapist. I know that much of your fear is driving this need to save even more, but I think you need a professional to guide you through this. I can absolutely relate to a lot of what you are saying, albeit perhaps not as extreme but I definitely am the kind of person to have anxious thoughts of “what if this, what if that, etc”. It is very psychologically paralyzing and you can’t really think effectively or even properly sometimes because there’s a huge emotional component to it as well.
Beyond this, as an external party, based on what you’ve said it sounds like you are in a pretty decent financial spot based on the timelines you’ve provided as to how long you can last before running out of finances. So could some kind of balance be reached with your wife? Without knowing your wife’s situation, maybe she’s just very stressed out and needs to take a break. Of course I’m just speculating but the desire to take a vacation is very valid either way, and if it is creating strain on your marriage, then I think you’d have to consider the fact that a total collapse of your marriage in the future will have dire financial implications.
I’m sorry you’re going through this anxiety – I have very bad anxiety in other areas of life and so I can relate as to how much anxiety can affect a person’s life.
Good luck to you friend.
Sounds like someone needs a vacation, good for the mind and body.
This is a mental health issue, not a financial issue.
Invest in yourself by seeing a therapist amd overcoming this problem.
This kind of anxiety can destroy your life.
You need to see a therapist to help with anxiety.
1. You are probably fine from layoff if you are half descent at your job. If there is a recession (which will be federal government driven thanks to brainless policies), unemployment rate may go up by 10% incrementally.
2. You have sufficient savings. If there is a layoff, you will be given severance which are usually generous
3. Go on vacation. If your mental health is not right, you won’t perform at work.
Honestly if you haven’t tried. Exercise helps tremendously and can be totally free. If you go for evening walks you can fill your time doing something that is free, takes your mind off things and helps make you a happier and healthier person.
It won’t immediately help with anything financially, but healthy habits are cheap. If you end up filling enough of your time with low-no cost activities you can end up saving an insane amount of money.
Everyone is saying therapy… but OP this is normal western life. This is modern society at work… big debt keeps citizens in the workforce, and therapy is a tool for the government to keep you in line. You will be a tax paying, hard working citizen whether you like it or not.
What you need is a lifestyle change. Imagine if you were not a slave to the mortgage, imagine if your mind was free.
Or go to therapy and accept that you will feel always be fighting these feelings.
OP
If you ever believe in the higher power at all: I’ve had a series of unfortunate events that’s amounted to 20k to date since October of last year. 80% of it I couldn’t control which blows.
Just like you I’ve always worried about my finances, but also forgetting the fact I live in a nice HCOL,have stable jobs and have a good amount saved which I think my peers probably don’t have
I’m being punished to realize how lucky we are by higher beings
You need to calm down and live life. I also need to tell that to myself and I’ve been working on it since last week.
Try being $20k in debt