- April 17, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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# Situation with ex and custody of daughter
I have been separated from my ex for 12 years, and my name is on the birth certificate of my 13-year-old daughter. We have had joint custody since the split, but at the beginning of COVID restrictions, my ex blocked all access to my daughter. I initiated legal procedures to regain my access. Despite attempting mediation (which my ex failed to participate in), we ended up in court. Just before the court hearing, a mediated agreement was reached where I would have half of all holidays from school and every other weekend with my daughter. However, my daughter has now expressed a desire to live with me full-time due to how her mother talks about me, how some of her mother’s family members treat her, and the better family life she feels she has with me.
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I’ve been through this myself this year. Daughter of 12 years wanted to live full time with me for similar reasons. I tried talking to the ex, but was just met with the usual threats. I ended up speaking to a solicitor who advised me that legally, she can live with me as long as she is safe and happy. What was important for us was getting the school involved, they were helpful to mediate the situation and avoid any hostility on school pick up (Allowed her to finish early/stay late). Good Luck
I’m speaking from memory when my partner had joint custody of a child but no especially at 13 you daughter can simply refuse to go back to her mothers and live with you. The police or social services may be called but as you are her father and she’s in a safe place with no risk they won’t intervene. Your daughters choice will be the most important thing here
This was all 10years granted but I distinctly remember it because it’s what my partners solicitor warned us about
Generally speaking, UK family courts take the child’s wishes into account much more than seems to be the case in some other countries, especially if they’re of an age where they’re capable of making an informed decision.
If your daughter has made her wishes clear and has sound reasoning for them, it’s highly unlikely the police or any other body is going to drag your daughter back to her mother’s place unless she’s in danger.
The problem might occur if your daughter goes to see her mother for a weekend, and her mother then refuses to let her come back to your place, that could complicate things. Because for the same reason the police likely won’t intervene if she’s safe living with you, they *also* likely won’t intervene if she’s safe at her mother’s.
You should run this past your solicitor you used for the original agreement to cover your arse, and make sure you document everything to be on the safe side, especially the things your daughter has said about her mother’s behaviour, including any threats she’s made to you or your daughter.
I should also add that the school should be informed of this so they are aware that her mother is not to take her out of school for anything. If they are a good school they will support your daughter whilst her maternal family adjusts, this took several years for us.
You should also do a bunch of admin:
– call the child benefit office and inform them of the change so you get child benefit
-if you pay child maintenance phone them and tell them there’s been a change in circumstances.
-change her details at the gp and dentist to your home address and contact info (sounds mundane but my stepdaughters mother tried to pick her up to take her to the dentist one time)
-get her passport
-get her birth certificate
-get a security camera (if your daughters maternal family are anything like my stepdaughters they will do drive by regularly, randomly come to the door demanding access etc)
Is there anything your daughter wants from her mother’s home? We arranged a few meetings with our stepdaughters mother for collection of belongings once the dust had settled.