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### Situation overview

Hi guys, throwaway account for privacy reasons.

I 29M, have a wife 28F who moved to the US (Connecticut) on a K1 fiancee visa from Mexico. We have been together here for 3 years, and known each other for 5 years, and from my perspective pretty happily. Of course there are occasional arguments, but I feel like we’ve always resolved problems pretty healthily without involving others, raising our voices, or saying hurtful things to one another. We have a very healthy sex life, and go out on dates/family outings very frequently. She does little things, paints for me, gives massages, I buy her flowers every other week, etc. Just to say that it feels healthy, more so than any relationship I’ve experienced. We have a 2.5 year old daughter together whom I love more than anything and would do anything for. She is smart, athletic, and a wonderful kid. I never thought I would have children before this relationship, but it has been the most incredible, rewarding experience of my life. If you have gets you understand what I’m saying, if not – it’s crazy. So many things in my life felt important before, but this puts everything into perspective, and really my primary motivators in life now are the happiness and security of our family.

### Financial and household dynamics

I am the primary financial provider of our family, and also do most of the cooking/cleaning/yard work – not all, but probably 75-80%. She works teaching dance classes, and brand marketing on her social media accounts as an influencer, and takes on the majority share of childcare when I am at work/my family isn’t available to help. I consider all finances shared, we discuss large purchases together, but I trust her completely and we’ve never had issues with spending or ‘controlling’ what money is spent on. I feel like finances have never been a big issue, which is why I’m so blindsided by this.

### Recent developments and concerns

Recently, my wife has starting talking about a past fling she had with a very famous musician (going to leave out names due to privacy, but think billions of streams on Spotify, very well known in their genre) everything between them happened before we met, I know they spoke and saw each other once before she moved to the US and we married each other but as far as I know, that was the end. I know he offered to pay for her to move to Europe, and she rejected his offer. I have complete trust that she’s telling the truth about that and nothing else happened.

She talked about it more and more, with the tone of the talks being about how she regrets not choosing that life, and what life would be like if she hadn’t come here. She’s made comments about how she envisioned bigger things in life – always traveling, fancy excursions, on private jets, etc. I was really taken aback, because while we are not wealthy by any means, I make mid $100,000s yearly and feel like we have a comfortable life. I have a fantastic work life balance and can spend time with my family.

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I wasn’t really sure how to respond, but tried to just show her love, and said that I understood that sometimes the grass just seems greener, but that our life is continuously growing and improving, and I’ll always support her and look to make some lifestyle changes if she doesn’t feel happy.

These talks basically went nowhere, and she cried and just compared me to this guy. Said that I stole her life away and that she’d never get to experience the life she deserved. This really hurt me, because she initiated the relationship, and we were both madly in love , traveling monthly to see each other and planning a life together. I never felt like I was coercing her in the slightest, she was a bit hesitant/scared to come to the US at first, but felt better after I helped her become comfortable with the language. She wanted to have a baby, and I feel like I’ve been very supportive with her career.

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It all seems to have culminated with her telling me that she has already talked to a friend in Germany, who will let her live with her for the next few months, has reached out to the famous guy who has said he’s interested in seeing her again, and that she will be taking our daughter with her. She apologized, and said that I am welcome to visit anytime I want and she will try to video call me so that I can see my daughter, but basically that she just knew her worth and deserved someone better than me.

I am at a complete loss of words, about to fall into a depression and I honestly have no idea what to do. Can she do this? I know she has very little income, or stability – can she just pick up and take our daughter to the other side of the world to be with some other man no questions asked? I’m scared, I feel like the last 5 years of my life are a lie, it’s like some kind of nightmare turned true.

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View Reference


  • ClackamasLivesMatter

    You can contact a Department of State Abduction Prevention Officer at 1-888-407-4747 to discuss your concerns and learn what tools are available to ensure your daughter cannot leave the country without your consent.

    You can also enroll your daughter in the Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program with the US Dept of State at the following link:

    I’m very sorry this is happening to you. And not that you need any sort of consolation, but being married to a celebrity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The demands on their time make it borderline impossible for them to be a good spouse, much less a good parent. Again, sorry that your wife is extirpating your marriage.

  • Sir-Greggor-III

    I would take time off work immediately for the next week or so. Take your daughter with her passport and see a custody attorney immediately. Get a court order as soon as possible forbidding your wife from leaving the country with your daughter.

    Getting your daughter back or getting a custody agreement enforced overseas is a nightmare and it is far from a guarantee that you will ever see her again if your wife takes her.

    Don’t play around with this and don’t take half measures. I’ve seen way too many horror stories detailing the very nightmare she is telling you she will be putting you through.

    Don’t trust your wife to do the right thing here and from this moment forward assume she is planning to kidnap your daughter. Do not trust her alone with your daughter until a set in stone court ordered agreement is in place.

  • Iyellkhan

    you need a lawyer now. someone who deals with divorce and custody arrangements. seriously, NOW.

  • thisishard1001

    Hide your kid’s passport in a drawer at your workplace tomorrow morning and make an appointment with an attorney, this is about to be a big mess for you.

  • Ordinary_Donut_452

    Your daughter’s (even yours) documents need to leave that house ASAP!!!! Safe deposit box would be best ASAP!!! Check into that Mexican passport ASAP! She may not seem to be lucid enough to be planning ahead but she is. If she’s bold enough to tell you these things she’s making preparations.

  • levigoldson

    Go to war. Don’t let your daughter leave the country. If she wants to go, she goes alone. If she leaves the country, there is a good chance you may never see her again.

  • kydd5

    Do not wait! If she leaves, you may never see your daughter again

  • NeptunianEmp

    Children are required to have a passport to leave the country so if your daughter does not have one already that will be a speed bump for your wife. Doesn’t mean it’s impossible for her to leave the country with your daughter though less than legal means.

    Most important thing you need is an attorney especially one that deals with multinational marriages. You should also get copies of your daughter’s legal documents (SSN birth certificate etc) ASAP.

    You should consider pursuing couples therapy as well in the event this was just a breakdown by your wife but secure the copies of documents and speak to an attorney first in case your wife does not want to attent therapy.

  • BillM_MZ3SGT

    If she thinks that a music star can give her a better life just because she had a fling with that person, she’s absolutely delusional. Just because he’s interested in seeing her again, doesn’t mean jack shit. I echo everything that the majority of people said. Under no circumstances, should she and your daughter leave or depend on the word of a famous music star.

  • KellyGroove

    File an emergency hearing. They will get you in within a few days. But yes. Get a lawyer asap

  • 123rckpro

    I’m surprised she wants to go with your daughter. Get a lawyer now !

  • meifahs_musungs

    Do not allow your daughter to be taken out of the country. Contact a lawyer now.

  • AFirefighter11

    NAL. Bro, you have a ton to offer that would make a bunch of women happy. Don’t worry about that aspect. You said you are okay with divorce, but not losing your daughter. You need to see a lawyer immediately and one that specializes in divorce/family law. You need to find the best in your area for this and get on it right now. She could already be receiving funding from the famous guy for her lawyer. Best of luck.

  • Suckerforcats

    Call a layer immediately and hide any passport or birth certificate. Once the child leaves the country, I’ll be hard if not impossible to get her back.

  • Bentmiddlefingers

    She may have told you so you can stop her legally. That way, she can leave without the baby but can at least say she tried. It doesn’t sound like she wants to be attached to much responsibility. Maybe you won’t even get push back.

  • Think_Job6456

    You’ve been given good advice, but here is one more piece. Get a GPS tracker in your child’s favorite toy. One with a battery that lasts at least a month. An Airtag would have been ideal but now they alert nearby iPhones to their presence.

  • netz_pirat

    Eh, I think most of it has been said already, but fyi, your soon to be ex wife is going to be in one hell of a surprise if she thinks she can just move to Germany, let alone with a permanent residence crashing on a friend’s couch, with a two year old?

    If she somehow manages to pull that off, inform German immigration and German CPS. They will have a field trip.

    Not sure if/how it works, but if they are gone and you know which flight they are on, I think there’s a fair chance to have police waiting for them at the arrival gate. Child abduction is no joke.

  • Important-Poem-9747

    I thought you can’t leave the country until you’re married with a K1?

    Is your daughter a us citizen/traveling with a us passport? If she is a citizen of Mexico and not the USA, you need to work with their consulate.

    In the us, a child cannot get a passport unless both parents are present. If the child travels out of the country with only one parents, you need the passport, birth certificate, and a notarized letter with a bunch of information signed by the non traveling parent.

    ETA: USA government travel
    Requirements for children,or%20signed%20by%20both%20parents.

  • Kishasara

    Don’t leave child’s passport or original documents in your desk. Get them OUT of the house. Safety deposit box every single document immediately. If they are in the house, she will find some way to get hands on them. Don’t trust a lock, don’t be so foolish and think they are safe.

    Would also suggest that you do a search when wife is not home. Check between and under every mattress, check every single dresser and drawer, hers, yours, the kid’s. Check under furniture, cushions, cabinets. On top of the fridge, attic spaces…even check random stacks of books. For what? Papers. She could have obtained certified copies of anything and hidden them away. When no one is home, discretely tear the house apart.

    I’m assuming you have a lawyer involved or an appointment scheduled. Other users provided helpful links that you most likely have taken advantage of. Speak very little to your wife and discuss everything with your lawyer. Hold your cards close. She’s set with her decision. It’s hard to accept this new reality, but 100% of your emotions need to be shut down with a single line of focus on keeping your child home with you. Grieving must come later. Emotions do terrible things and now is not the time to let them cloud your judgement.

  • Clean_Factor9673

    Go to court for an emergency hearing to get custody including the need to get permission from you to take your daughter out of the country. Block her passport.

  • DarkRavensfly

    So weird this came up while I’m watching 90 day fiancé lol

  • abcpp1

    Is your wife US citizen or still a permanent resident? If later, there are cases when spouse claims being tricked into marriage for the purpose of obtaining permanent residence and that residence can be revoked. Look into this as well.

  • Emergency-Group-508

    You never know, so just get a DNA test, just in case.

    Proceed from there

  • nyccapri

    Her probable course of action: Go to Mexico with your daughter first. Get her Mexican Passport there.

    And to confirm, once your kid is gone, no court in the U.S can bring her back. Child custody cases are a nightmare, no matter which country is involved on the other end.

    Let your lawyer start the filing process ASAP before she goes out to rent a car for that long trip to the Arizona border.

  • turningpoint01

    Do NOT allow this to happen.

  • ScarredNymph

    She’s going to regret leaving someday and come crawling back. If she does leave, make sure you are unavailable.

    In the meantime, use all the resources posted here and ensure your daughter stays put.

  • Sensitive-Dish-7770

    I feel really sorry to hear your story, such stories really discourage young men like me to marry. I think the musician is toying with your wife, and I think she had felt something towards him before already, one message from him again was enough to get back all her feelings towards him and the kind of life she imagined with him. I think it will be hard to get your relationship back to normal, your wife will most likely regret all the choices she is doing now in the future, but meanwhile fight to keep your daughter.

  • 2Blathe2furious

    Why the fuck is your sex life relevant to your request for legal advice? I do not understand how this could be real.

  • Number1Duhrellfan

    Lol another passport bro horror story.