- April 16, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## Letting Off Steam Before Sentencing
Just let me rant for a moment in one of the few spaces where I feel like I can truly express myself without judgment.
I’m about 14 days away from what I believe will be my sentencing, and the weight of the impending judgment is starting to take its toll on me. Just earlier today, I put in a tremendous amount of effort to help prepare a lavish banquet lunch service for the governor of my state, only to be left feeling angry and frustrated.
Everything seemed to be looking up for me recently. I had finally secured a job, albeit part-time, but it paid decently for what it was. Having graduated from college a few months ago, I was optimistic about the opportunities that lay ahead, despite facing setbacks along the way. I had started taking on more freelance work and was gradually building up a solid client base that promised good earnings.
For the first time in years, I allowed myself to believe that life was beginning to normalize for me. However, that semblance of peace was short-lived as the state authorities, after nearly three years, suddenly remembered my existence and decided it was time to address the unresolved issue. Forced into a corner, I had no choice but to accept the plea deal they offered, realizing that a fair trial by a jury of my peers was out of the question given the gravity of the allegations against me.
The looming prospect of incarceration weighs heavily on my mind, knowing that soon I will be confined within four cold walls, separated from everything and everyone I hold dear. The thought of spending years in this unforgiving state, constantly under scrutiny and at risk of prolonged incarceration for any misstep, is suffocating. To add insult to injury, I face the prospect of being publicly listed, my name tarnished for eternity while a feeble disclaimer warns against using the information to harass me.
Each day, I am asked “Are you okay?” as I struggle to mask the turmoil raging within me. I have fought relentlessly to maintain composure, but the overwhelming sense of helplessness and the realization that my fate is sealed leaves me shattered. The regret of ever delving into a destructive habit like pornography gnaws at me, wishing I could turn back time to prevent myself from venturing down that path.
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I just want to validate your feelings and say that I hear you. I’m sorry it’s taken so long for this to happen and you’ve built up a sense of normalcy that will feel like it’s taken away soon.
My boyfriend is meeting his probation offer tomorrow and starts SOISP treatment soon, and was in jail for a while so I am always here via DM if you want to chat. You can get books sent to you in jail and that was his saving grace. I’d be happy to send you a book if I know where and when you’ll be there ❤️ hang tight. It seems like a very long road ahead, and this sub has provided me so much support. Proud of you for posting and sharing your feelings.
Wow. I totally relate. Everyone says take it one day at a time, but once in a while it hits me like a ton of bricks. “Wow, you just totally fucked up your entire life. And it’s going to follow you.” I am so angry with myself.
We all know your pain and I’m glad you are talking about how you are feeling instead of bottling it up instead. The best thing you can do is talk about it. Know this better days are ahead. Try not to overthink all this. Focus one day at a time and if need be one minute at a time. Keep plugging away at life and you will come out the other side stronger than you ever imagined.
It’s great to hear that you’ve spent time improving, growing, and learning from your mistakes. I’m rooting for you and you can have a good life despite all of this. You will.
I concur 😂. No really you hit it right on the head. I’ve been out for 3 years and it still seems that exact way more days then not. I’m still realizing things I can never do again, everyday. Many people, well the people that care to ask. Say how do you go on. I say life is a journey and it’s meant to be lived and learned from the good and bad you learn from every obstacle. I try, and you must try to find normalcy or happiness in the very simple things you can control. The things they can’t take from you. There will be many many days you will want to give up. And you can’t lose hope. Hope for what? anything positive. Maybe that friend you haven’t talked to in a while will call you tomorrow. Maybe you’ll have a wicked good lunch tomorrow. Maybe you’ll see someone that inspires you accomplish something spectacular. You’ve got to see it. Tomorrow. Don’t lose hope
Man I feel the exact same way, I have felt sick to my stomach and depressed for the last 3 years and I barely started probation at the end of last year, I’m literally a empty shell of a human, puppeting myself through life just to survive. I fucked up big time and hurt a lot of people, my offense was a non contact one but that doesn’t excuse it. I generally do want to recover to seek help and grow but the justice system doesn’t favor recovery its all about punishment. I wish I could give you something to ease your pain and suffering but I feel the exact same way, but know you aren’t alone.
My advice, if you want to AVOID prison, RUN! RUN! RUN!
Welcome to the tip of this life. It only gets worse and I hope the best for you.