- April 11, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## Struggles and Venting: Seeking Flexible WFH Opportunities
There is a significant amount of complexity in my current situation that I am grappling with. Venting is one way to release some of the pressure, yet I am sincerely struggling with these challenges. I find myself wondering if there are any work-from-home (WFH) opportunities that offer exceptional flexibility. While the salary is not a major concern for me, having the flexibility to balance various aspects of my life is paramount.
### AI Legalese Decoder to Navigate VA Compensation and Benefits
I am rated at 100% Permanent and Total (P&T) with a few supplementary benefits included. My wife, who is an elementary librarian, earns a comparable income to my VA compensation. This is without factoring in additional perks like property tax exemptions, CHAMPVA, or our daughter’s college education. The past year brought both joy and sadness, as we lost a child before welcoming a healthy newborn daughter.
### Mental Health Struggles and Career Transition
The culmination of six years in a demanding field construction role, involving extensive travel and long work hours, took a toll on my mental well-being. Deciding to resign on the advice of my psychiatrist and counselor, I sought treatment. In early 2023, I was granted 100% P&T status, which prompted me to share my journey of grappling with Obsessive Sleep Apnea (OSA) secondary to Anxiety & Depression.
### Family Dynamics and Identity Crisis
Navigating familial relationships, particularly with my wife’s parents who are unaware of my VA compensation, presents challenges. Their dismissive attitude towards my military service and potential reactions to my P&T status influence how I share personal information. Additionally, reflecting on my brief military service and subsequent struggles highlights the lasting impact on my sense of self.
### Spousal Expectations and Household Responsibilities
Recent pressures from my wife and her parents to secure employment have intensified, despite our comfortable lifestyle. With a well-maintained home, financial stability, and my dedicated household contributions, the ongoing tension stems from societal expectations of traditional employment. Balancing the desire for personal fulfillment, physical activities, and familial responsibilities accentuates the need for a non-traditional career path.
### Future Uncertainties and Career Options
As I contemplate potential career options, the limitations imposed by my mental health condition necessitate a strategic approach to employment. Considering alternatives like enrolling in a coding bootcamp for back-end software development or roles with minimal human interaction demonstrate my commitment to finding a sustainable and fulfilling career path.
### Seeking Support and Guidance
Given the complexities of my situation, I welcome insights and advice from individuals who have navigated similar circumstances. As I strive to maintain a healthy work-life balance and address family expectations, any experiential wisdom or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.
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Sounds like the support network that should be supportive, isn’t. THAT’S a problem my man. Her parents…whatever but HER holding a bit of resentment is a big problem. I’m a big believer of words having power and for her to lightly shame you for not having a job that your Mental Health can tolerate will only continue to fester. Hormones or not, it more often than not came from a real place.
Nobody else can be happy if you’re not happy first. Take care of yourself and all the other variables will work themselves out. Wish you nothing but the best my friend.
Marriage counseling, ASAP, her resentment will not go away if you get a job.
You dont need to work. Period. You’re bringing in an equal amount of income and without having to work you can save a lot in childcare. Anyone who complains you’re slacking is an asshole. You’re lucky, your military service will allow you to bring in a good income AND get to be a stay at home dad, which should save a shit ton of money on childcare (equivalent to a mortgage right now).
Fuck your in laws. They sound like pieces of shit.
Resentment and contempt for your partner is the #1 cause of divorce iirc. You guys need to work on your marriage, or this will be poison to it.
Retired and 100% here. I got my real estate license and sell houses. I have complete freedom to do what I want when I want. If I want to go to Disney World for a week I just go. I don’t have to ask anyone for permission. I rarely ever set an alarm and just wake up whenever I wake up.
Your marriage is in extreme danger right now. I’d focus on counseling (if you want to save the marriage) and then a job after that. VR&E might be a good fit for you to help with the job thing.
You’re bringing in $4300+ per month and your own wife still has an issue?
Honestly bro, I hope you can figure something out. I’d have up and left at that point.
You need to get marriage counseling, I would seek it out through the va because you’re not the only the disabled veteran going through this. It sounds like resentment is building up to the point you need help addressing it and there are counselors trained in this
Your wife and in-laws seem like dicks. Reading this, I KNEW your wife’s reasoning was jealousy even before you stated it. “Not a real veteran”, fuck that, you dont just get 100% P&T as a consolation prize. You earned it, tell the in laws to mind their business, and tell your wife to consider herself lucky that you have the flexibility to not work with a newborn around. A lot of people with kids don’t have that.
Edit because I didn’t finish reading: “Her and her parents have the resources and means to make my life very difficult.” Yea, that’s a piece of shit family if they’ve threatened you with that for simply not having a job. If your wife won’t side with you on this, you need to rethink your marriage.
Fuck those bitches. You are providing stability and security. How you go about it is no one else’s concern
Your wife knows how her parents are. She knows what they are saying to you. Sad to see a vet being treated like this but she is 100% taking advantage of you and your benefits. Go to therapy or find a good divorce lawyer.
If you’re interested research peer specialist on usajobs. It’s a career through the VA that specifically deals with assisting other vets in their personal wellbeing. Basically you become an advocate for them to their healthcare team.
Bro you might have not married the one if she can’t even have your back against her parents. What happens when it’s you against 3 assailants, you feel then she’ll have your back and punch and kick for ya then? Or is the household over spending so another income flow is needed? An 8K a month household income should be more than enough for most states to live comfortably at. Have to know when to cut your losses, even with a kid. Wishing you the best brother, I mean that.
Just being honest guy…as someone who has been with my wife for 26 years it seems like you and her need to have a come to Jesus meeting and talk about are you married to your in laws or her. If they aren’t taking care of you or paying your bills who cares what they think? If you take care of your family what’s the issue? I learned a long time ago that the more people you keep out of your business the better. I applaud you for dealing with her people because I would’ve long told them to f**k off. Good luck!
Dawg, you married her, not her parents. I am a SOF failure as well, so I understand that feeling, and a lot of my injuries came from it. The fact you even tried for it is something 99% of people won’t ever do. But to sit there and feel like you have to meet her parent’s expectations? I would firmly tell them if they try to interject their opinion on you again, you will ensure that they will never have a chance to talk to you again. Remember, you got broken from military service, regardless if it was in training or at a duty station. Doesn’t matter, you served and sacrificed your body for the military
I’m in a similar situation honestly. Not with all the familial pressure though. It’s more with my partner and the occasional, “we could be saving so much more money if you got your job back”. But I just can’t do that physical work anymore my back has tapped out. So I’m using my education benefits! Maybe look into using your GI bill if you haven’t or VRE if you have and go back to school! I’ve always done very physical work and can’t deal with office work. But I’m an avid reader so I decided hey, why not try and write a book? Being 100% p&t just opens up so many opportunities there’s no excuse not to find your happiness. Don’t let them pressure you! Find your ‘im writing a book’. I also use crypto as an excuse a lot, “oh I made a ton of money on cumrocket” 🤣
This is nuts. You are providing just not the way they think you “should”. Also you get to be a stay at home dad, and that is priceless. Having a parent at home without financial suffering is a gift. These people sound like bullies. I would suggest trying counseling with the wife and set hard boundaries with your inlaws. But honestly as a woman in a almost 20 year marriage where my hubby stayed home with our daughter, your wife sounds stupid and ungrateful. Good luck!
100 percent p & t is more than I make working full time. I don’t think the issue is needing to get a job. It’s getting the toxic abuse from the wife and her family to stop. Seriously wtf.
Breathe and enjoy life bro. You’re disabled with or without support. If you want to work then work if not then don’t. People get jealous and or envious that you have lifetime money and they have to continue the rat race. I’m sorry you’re pressed to work and not acknowledged for your disabilities. I had to drive it home with my family too.
Few things. Once you start a family with your significant other, that’s your family. No one other than you and her should listen to anyone outside of YOUR family. It’s your wife, child and you. No one should be influencing your decisions other than them. If you cannot work and live comfortably then do that. Your wife needs to understand, “you not adding value” (hormones or not) is fucked. You’re supposed to be each other’s peace and happiness, not an additional stressor.
IMO: you have a hobby or a skill that can make money, open your own business. Make additional income that way. I love woodworking so I do that on the side. Just try and find a purpose to get you moving and out the door in the mornings.
As someone who has had problems in my marriage with my mental health and my alcoholism and my resentment, I second this. Our VA marriage therapist in conjunction with my personal therapist, has helped immensely. But you are not alone for sure.
Coming from a wife / female point of view. My heart breaks for you. I have been married 28 years and over the last year my husband has not been able to work due to a medical procedure performed by the VA. He lost all his income, I picked up a second job and no, we have not been fully compensated for his disabilities.
In saying this, she needs to learn that the job you do does not define you. I think that is something many men deal with, they define themselves by the job title but it sounds as if she is doing the same. Why does she feel that YOU as a stay at home dad is not as important as if SHE was a stay at home mom. Raising children is the most important job in the WORLD, we have 6 kids… (Daughters are not working a pole, and sons are not in jail).
Sounds like some couples therapy is needed. Her resentment will continue to grow if it not addressed now. Having children make marriage TOUGH… and why would you want to live a life constantly defending yourself. SHE should be defending you against not only her parents but anyone who questions.
Although, I could show resentment for my husband I chose to look at it as giving him compassion and grace. I do not understand the mental (and physical) pain he is going through. With the hell we are going through if he works or not…His job never defined the man he is. I am just glad he is still here.
Money will come and go… Family… Thats what I bet on.
Resentment will not go away even if you get a job. Especially if she’s on her parents side you need actual Marriage counseling. As it only going to get worse as it clear this is something she needs to work on and it needs to actually be discussed. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your sanity just because your wife jealous when she supposedly working her dream job.
There is something she isn’t talking about and that what needs to be talked about. Then after that done you can find a ‘job’ you actually want without there being some arbitrary time limit. Find something you wish to do but don’t let it kill you.
Time to talk to her parents and tell them they need to settle their horses. Then counseling. I wish I could stay at home, my fiancés does and she resents the fact I get to work. But wouldn’t make sense for her to work so here we are. It all can be worked through.
I’d recommend something you could do part time that’s usually in demand like a notary, the VA I think has programs that will help with the training and if you want to make your own little business from it you could set your own hours of that’s something you want to do, I’d tell her folks to get fucked as it’s none of their business, my father in law has made the mistake of thinking I’m rolling in wealth because of my job in IT and thankfully my wife corrected him really quick in that thinking as we still have our struggles and both working on increasing our ratings. People don’t ever seem to understand the stress we put on ourselves and doubly so if you go the special ops route.
Therapy and please do not listen to the divorce recommendations…. Vows mean something man. U can work through this. I’m 100 percent as well and work 80 hour weeks and do the school thing I coach football for my sons and trust me it’s hard. I want to bail everyday but you are a father and husband. It’s not easy and that’s what u signed up for my man. Talk to your wife and figure this out. U failed from buds.. ok let’s move on. Life is obstacles bro.
U guys need to talk. I know I’ve been thru the ringer, I think we all have. If u wanna stay in this marriage then u need to get on the same page… somehow. My first wife told me like right as I got out and went to file (all I knew then was my back f***ed via IED blasts plural . As a 12B foregone conclusion whatever). It was WAY worse but I digress) that she would never live w me and our son on welfare etc. Meanwhile I was in no shape to do anything immediately after getting out but to RECOVER mentally emotionally physically spiritually. If u can’t bring her to your side of the street in dealing w her parents then u have a problem. U don’t mean for her to take sides, but the honest to God sanctity of marriage lies you two TOGETHER. All due respect but your FIL is on that boomer BS. My dad worked like 18 yrs Exxon was navy for like 8-10 yrs previous and did 27 yrs Air Force after and I’m TELLING YOU RN it’s that generation. If you didn’t legit work yourself into the ground into an EARLY GRAVE then you’re failing. You’re not enough. Well my Man U don’t have to do things the way they did things period. U do what u know u need to, do those things build and live and love your life with THAT person that u know u wouldn’t ever want to do it without. They aren’t living your life, you are HELL WE ARE ALL living our OWN version of our life. If you’re broken like that heart surgeries etc you’re not getting very far for very long knocking out 60+hr work weeks WITH a baby.
TL:DR have a sit down of sorts w the in laws AFTER getting it straight and on the table about how you’re feeling w your wife. Don’t let these people dictate how u feel about you .
Yes, you can work. USAjobs.gov and submit for remote jobs or whatever you want. I was already working when I hit 100% PT. I retired from the navy about 5 years ago and have tricare for the family and use the VA as my PCP. You didn’t mention whether you retired at 20 or what. If you don’t qualify for tricare then you can qualify for CHAmPVA. I’m not sure of those details. If for an entire year, your days consisted of you sleeping until noon, taking three dumps throughout the day, and a couple of j/o sessions, you be making over $49K per year. Depending on your state, 0 personal property taxes, children get free college, VA chapter 35 for your daughter and wife if she wants. Free college set up for your daughter 18 years in advance? I call that a slam dunk.
I’d have a REAL conversation with my wife and tell her everything you just said here. That’s the best place to start. I’d also let her parents know what’s going on, their daughter is involved in the story so they should know.
As far as work, find something part time and if that works go from there.
Your inlaws are the root of this most likely. At the very least a very negative earworm.
Not sure if your wife resented you prior to your parents saying anything, but I doubt it. It probably was there, then your inlaws magnified it by speaking about those very insecurities the way they do.
If you guys financials are in order, kids are taken care of, house is taken care of, wife is taken care of. I don’t see the problem here. I feel like if you are doing the things you say you do, you are saving a metric fuck ton of money.
Child care alone would probably cancel out your wife’s paycheck and even get into yours. Or the extra gas just going to pick and drop your kid off.
I don’t like my parents, my wife’s parents and pretty much any other human telling me how to run my me and my wife’s household. So, they would get a quick “Shove it” from me, because I don’t care. But ya know, everyones relationship operates differently, even with the parents. There’s a difference between suggesting advice, and telling me what to do.
You my friend, are a grown ass man. I would suggest not to let your Inlaws really have much of a say in your relationship,and I would suggest to let your wife know that is you intention. I would also suggest couples therapy,mainly for your wife, because her parents are eroding your trust within each other.
Appearantly since you married her parents as well and they are telling you what to do, id be petty AF and serve them divorce papers.(JK I actually wouldn’t but it would be funny AF)
First, I would suggest marriage counseling while I can understand being envious that you don’t have to go to a job every day, to say that you don’t contribute or add value is ridiculous. Counseling could help her figure out a better way to express her thoughts and feelings, get to the root of the issue and maybe even help her learn that her parents need to stay out of your marriage.
Second, for WFH jobs there is a website called Rat Race Rebellion that shares legit WFH job postings from various companies. They do tend to have a log of call center type jobs but that’s mostly because those types are always hiring and no one really wants to apply to them. I have seen postings for hotels, credit card companies, various insurance companies, Amazon, Apple, etc. You don’t have to pay anything to use their site, you can even have an email sent to you with new job postings, and they aren’t scams.
Working may be beneficial to you because it offers structure and routine. Hopefully you can find something that you really enjoy doing and rock it out!
Instead of a 9-5, have you considered spending time volunteering? There’s lots of needs out there. Many counties have organized veterans’ courts and need mentor/buddies. You could be a Court Appiinted Special Advocate (CASA) working with kids in juvenile court.
If you care about your wife you need to find something that is productive that keeps you busy and then divide up the housework fairly. If you spend your freetime focusing on making your life better rather than the betterment of your family, your wife will probably hate you. You already said you could do something light for work. Maybe try going to school and using the gi bill as well? You could collect even more money doing this while also not being perceived as a lazy POS. There’s plenty of jobs you could get after earning a degree that are relatively easy.
That’s her biology talking to her bro. Real talk. She wants a provider even if you got the VA money you need to be doing something besides house work, otherwise her resentment will only grow.
You need some type of ambition and not just coast with 100% benefits. That’s the downside of basically having all expenses paid by the government. No disrespect but it makes people complacent.
The fact you can ski and exercise why can’t you get a job? With all the money you guys make you can easily take some courses and get certified and make yourself a prime candidate for a virtual job.
I’m being dead up with you bro. The family dynamics you speak of with her and her father especially is gonna fuck you up unless you make that change.
Don’t go the coding boot camp route.if you do you will have to work a helpdesk job to get experience. It’s super hard to get a good paying IT job without years of experience or certifications dont believe join an IT reddit and look at all their posts. Get yourself a part time or limited part time job that won’t interfere with your wife’s work schedule. Costco pays a decent wage. I work part time super early in the morning so I can still be a hybrid stay at home dad with 3 kids while my wife works.
Most people on here seme to think Thailand is a nice place to live with 100%PT. I would check that out brother!
Your in laws suck but there is plenty of validity that you can and should be doing more. How much and what is what’s hard to figure out. Doing the house stuff is the least you can do, marriage is a partnership it’s not about the money or even the job it’s about the effort.
Going to school, working even part time doing something that shows you are putting in as much effort and sacrifice.
Look at your VA benefits as a multiplier and not as a contribution.
I too am 100% PT and retired military, I could stop working but my goal is to get my wife to a place where we can both stop working. It’s hard I have mental health and physical problems and they limit and challenge me in my career but I grind them out because it’s not just about me, Just like it’s not about you, it’s about your wife and child as well.
It’s not an easy answer but you have to show the effort and not look at it as we are fine and I’m doing better, that’s great but it’s about your family doing better as well.
Hope that gives you some perspective and I hope things work out and get better for you. Also F your in laws, but the better way to beat them is showing them how wrong they are. Take that motivation you had to become a seal and focus it on making your family better and strong is the VA as a force multiplier not a crutch.
So I was getting new tires today and watching how everything was going on and thought about the best job- be a delivery driver for parts from the warehouse to dealerships. You don’t have to work with customers, you’re used to being on the road but you still stay local and go home at the end of the day.
Maybe that would work for you? Seemed like a great idea to me 🙂 hope they get off your case, you’ve been through a lot
Keep working on *you* for now, and maybe working for money will be in the cards down the line. Based on what you wrote, I wouldn’t do it right now unless you find something you’re pretty passionate about. You’re in a position where you don’t have to work to live; that said, having a profession can provide meaning and esteem to some people (note i said “profession” and not “job”). As someone else suggested, if you could find some small side hustle doing something you enjoy, that could be a great compromise and a starting point.
Good luck, and thank you for your service, Veteran.