- April 14, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## The Dilemma of a Gay Teen Facing Blackmail
I am in a situation where I desperately need genuine advice and support regarding a very serious matter. I am 16 years old and happen to be gay, which is something my extremely homophobic parents are not aware of. The fear of their reaction if they were to find out terrifies me.
A few years ago, I was involved in a relationship with another boy who was a year older than me. During a sleepover, we took inappropriate photos of each other. Although I never shared these photos online, I recently discovered that the other boy still has them saved on his Snapchat. He threatened to expose these photos to my parents if I do not pay him £100 within a week.
The thought of my parents seeing these compromising images, where my face is clearly visible, has caused me to experience panic attacks. Initially, I considered ignoring his threats, but the fear of him possessing such photos of me led me to realize that I must involve the police. However, I am hesitant because I am a minor, and I fear that involving the authorities could inadvertently alert my parents to my sexual orientation, putting me in further danger.
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Thank you for your valuable advice and support. I have decided to confide in my older brother, who I trust and believe will support me. I plan to seek his guidance and then proceed to report the situation to the police while emphasizing the importance of safeguarding my identity and personal circumstances. Your continued support means the world to me.
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****** just grabbed a
So you were 13 when the photos were taken? If he sends those photos to anyone he would be distributing indecent images of a minor. I think he’s bluffing.
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I am so very sorry OP, this is heartbreaking. But yes, I can only advise you to go to the police because you’re quite right, if you give your ex any money at all, not only will he be back, but he will always have this threat over you.
Is there an older friend or family member you trust enough to go with you? If not, as LazyWash says, and as far as I know, the police can arrange for an independent Appropriate Adult to be with you.
I’m so very sorry, my son isn’t much older than you and I’m currently supporting him in a bit of a situation. I can only hope, that when this is explained to your parents – and it will be far better coming from you reporting it to police – that they support you.
I hope people see your post that know far more than me and can direct you to possible helpful agencies/support etc.
Edited for spelling
NAL but When you say you were taking pictures of eachother, does that mean it’s just yourself in the images? If it’s just you, in the unlikely event he does send them to your parents just say you sent them to a girl. I honestly don’t think he’d do it.
If he did actually go through with it, there are revenge porn and blackmail laws:
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/revenge-porn
http://bloomsbury-law.com/criminal-defence/blackmail-law-uk/
He’d be guilty of both and would be interested in looking over. You would have to contact the police about it though. If he’s made these demands over text make sure you’ve kept them.
You need to be brave. He is blackmailing you. You need to go to the police sooner rather than later.
The photos he has are illegal. What he is trying to do by blackmailing you is also illegal. You will run out of money if you give in to him eventually and there is no guarantee he won’t publish the images even if he gets what he asks for.
Be brave, go and speak with the police, this will come to an end soon. this way you have more control. Yes it’s going to be a difficult time. Yes you are stronger than you know. Yes you can do this.
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Sorry you’re going through this OP.
Because of your age, Police require an “appropriate adult” to be with you when talking to you (Scotland, I assume the same in England). That, however does not have to be your parent.
Do you have a teacher you trust?
A relative?
I won’t say anything else, as the other commenter have offered a good insight.
Sharing indecent images of a minor, for £100… I mean going on the SO register for that, I appreciate at this point in time you’re all over the place, but you’re definitely holding ALL of the cards in this situation.
Hi OP, I deal with these situations often in school and have to go by the rules of the school. But in this case I don’t have to.
You can contact crimestoppers anonymously.
There is some great advice here about how the Police might have to play this to the extent there’s little point adding any more here.
However, you need to think through the options:
1. Do nothing: In which case, you lose all agency over what happens.
2. Call his bluff: As some have suggested, it is unlikely he will use them but while this seems like you are taking agency over events, you aren’t. Your blackmailer would still be in control.
3. Go to the Police: You would be taking control over the blackmailer but are then at the mercy of the criminal justice system and cannot control your parents’ reaction.
4. Tell your parents: I appreciate they are homophobic and this may not go well, but the merits are that it would instantly take away the hold that the blackmailer currently has over you and leave you free to report him to the Police.
If you went for option 4, and your parents started mistreating you, you still have agency in that you can engage with social services and a whole raft of other organisations or even other family members (if an option) that could look after you instead.
Every option has its pros and cons and the situation you are in is horrific. How you move forwards has to be your call, no one else’s. If your brother is sympathetic/would help, discuss them with him before you make your decision.
I hope working through the options is of some help to you and I wish you the very best.
I know it is easy for me to say this, but you should report him to the police. This kind of thing is a criminal offence these days.
Do you have a teacher, neighbour or family member to go to for support?
Your ex is committing possession of child porn by having those images. Sharing them would be distribution of child porn.
If you have to, go to the police alone and make up an event that happened that you have been asked to provide a witness statement for. My ex once was a witness for an assault and it was a few calls and a court attendence.
If you’re still at high school, do you have a safeguarding officer who could help you?
Op he is committing a multitude of offences.
Obviously there are crimes relating to the images however there’s also an offence of revenge porn where its a criminal offence to even threaten to disclose these photos.
Go to a police station and talk to them in person and explain the situation. They’ll go through all your options in detail and work out what’s the best thing to do and your options.
You should absolutely report him. If he’s doing this at 17 he’s going to be a POS for his whole life.
As for your parents, they can’t just throw you out and decide not to parent you anymore. If they did they would also be committing a criminal offence. However, whether or not you’d be safe and want to stay is another matter.
This is dreadful and I’m sorry it’s happening to you.
100% contact the police this is blackmail, seek to your brother and ask him to be your appropriate adult with teh police. No reason your parents should be told by the police
Oh, my heart breaks for you. Please don’t give any money to this person. It will never stop. As others have said, go straight to the police, tell your brother or is there any other adult you could trust? A friend, a teacher? I wish I knew you, I’d help you! I’d go with you! If you need anyone to talk to feel free to comment back any time.
I say this as a mother of two boys, one of whom is 13 years old, my wonderful son, who is also gay.
He came out to me at 11. I’ve always said to my boys, it doesn’t matter who you like, as long as you’re not an arsehole it doesn’t matter to me. We should not be judged on our sexuality, and it breaks my heart that you’re parents are so bigoted to treat you this way. If I was your mum I’d be marching over to said dickhead who’s trying to blackmail you and pummelling him one (but this is not perhaps the right legal advice to offer you- I’m just very angry that you are in this situation with seemingly no one to turn to)
Go to the police, you seem like an intelligent young lad who knows right from wrong. Going to the police will mean this other lad is called out for his dreadful bribery and extortion.
Don’t berate yourself about what you did when you were 13. We all do things we regret when we are teenagers. Christ I did and I know my son has.
The important thing is what you do next. When you don’t know what to do- do the next right thing. And this is telling someone you trust to be kind to you and help you in the process of going to the police.
I know I don’t know you, but as a mum to a son, I just wanted to say, please never feel as though your are alone. If you’re stuck with nowhere to turn, there are people willing to help you. Feel free to reach out anytime.
Please do give us an update on how you get on tomorrow.
I’ll be worrying about you all evening.
It will seem hard at first but once you tell someone you will break this persons hold over you. You can’t live like this.
Wishing you the very best of luck and sending a virtual hug.
Please take care x
I would speak with http://www.galop.org.uk they have been helping LGBT+ for 40 years and specialise in liaising with pilice.
There is no chance you will be arrested but your ex certainly should get a visit. If you did pay this guy, he would come back again and again demanding more and more money. It’s classed as A extortion. Give gallop.org.uk a call.
Hey pal. One thing I haven’t seen anyone mention is if you go to the police they will absolutely *have* to notify *his* parents. He will have been accused of a crime and as he’s under 18 the parents will be notified. Then he/his parents could go to your parents. Just knew that in mind.
NAL
Unfortunately – Yes, they will be informed.
There is no way, that I know, to avoid this. As you are under 18, your parents are required to know and the police will even create a report for social services which they will review as well. This could also be another route in which your parents find out.
It would also be for the benefit of taking your statement having an adult, that can be a parent, but I’m sure it can be arranged to have an Appropriate Adult present instead of a parent to hear your statement. But I’m not going to be the Officer in Charge of your case.
This also runs the issue of is it likely that the police, if they feel you are in danger by talking about your sexuality, whether you’d be taken under police protection or moved to another family member’s address. But the police can’t exactly act on a what if. This is where it can be complicated. You would have mentioned the possibility of danger being at home and the police would have to still deal with this.
As mentioned above, it can be a family member or another entire new place to protect you, but these are extreme measures.
I would also mention that the longer this lingers, you risk the chance of your parents finding out in a worse way if the other person does send the images.
You haven’t got a good end of the stick for this one. But my recommendation would be to head to a police station in person and talk to the officer there. They can take an initial report and you can express your concerns about home and they may be able to deal with it. But being under 18, there isn’t a lot they can do to avoid telling parents. I would also let them know about alternative living arrangements if it’s possible to live with another family member if you are genuinely scared. But keep in mind, I don’t think any family member would want to do anything, especially if the police are contacting you routinely. You’d be put down as a vulnerable victim and this would require the OIC to contact you every 14 days. Hopefully they would.
I hope that clears some of it up.
Its good you’re going to the police and that’s already strength that’s good to have.
The fact he’s possessing those images is a crime and if he further decides to distribute them that’s another offence. Definitely do not pay him as nothing is stopping him from asking for more. The fact you took the pictures is technically a crime but the likelihood you’d be prosecuted is incredibly low and there’s guidance stating it shouldn’t be pursued+its not in the public’s interest to prosecute. What I would do is inform him that if he shares the images he would be distributing indecent images of children and the penalty for that. If he goes through with it then I’d be reporting it and trying to bs your way out of it with your parents. With the rise of ai etc you could try that route but I don’t know your parents so have no idea if that would actually work.
so he has CP images and is threatening to release them
the police will be discreet as being outed as gay by them or the lad can obviously cause harm to you
best of luck
Possession of indecent images of a child and attempted extortion. I wish him well in his future as a registered sex offender.
Good luck coming out to your family. I hope they wholeheartedly accept and love their child forever
You can report this to crime stoppers anonymously.
Please speak to childline if you feel you need to talk to someone.
He’s in possession of child pornography. It doesn’t matter that you were both underage when they were sent, either. The law is very clear that a minor distributing or possessing indecent photos of another minor is still classed as child pornography – a lot of people don’t seem to realise that. You need to report him.
This person can be arrested for distribution of images of children, pedophilia. When you go to police, they will ensure your safety and do the best they can to protect your privacy. If they don’t, they aren’t worth their salt. Get a lawyer as well to protect your rights to privacy and as a citizen.
Whether your parents find out or not is another matter and it may become necessary. Please God they are supportive. If not, remind them that you were born this way and they made you.
You can ask the police to meet you in a private place and call them and explain your situation with your parents.
There is a significant rosk of your parents finding out. You might consider telling the blackmailer you have reported it to the police, without doing so for real, and that they will let it go if he deletes the photos.
Firstly, congratulations for not caving in amd doing the mature thing.
Secondly, you don’t have to be forced into coming out when you are not feeling safe. You can always claim you’ve been coerced… Which will. Make things… Infinitely worse foe your blackmailer as he is now not only facing child porn chargers but also black mail accusations nad ultimately, yes, rape.
Thirdly, you’ll be all right. Dont worry.
Okay here’s the plan. Block this fucker. Ignore him completely and if he ends up distributing report it. We are all embarrassed by naked photos but if he sends those to anyone he will be distributing CP.
Op I don’t know you but people love you. Love yourself and never let someone take advantage of you.
I, unfortunately, have an amount of experience with dealing with vulnerable minors in similar situations to yourself.
Firstly, and I cannot emphasise this enough, this is not your fault. Do not feel guilty and do not feel ashamed – I know as a teenager this is difficult, and it will feel like your world is crashing down. This is a bump in the road of your life. A shitty one, sure. But a bump.
What this person is doing is literally criminal, and they absolutely can and will be prosecuted if they continue down this path. While it might seem best to go straight to the police, I would suggest speaking to the safeguarding lead at your school, or a trusted teacher/member of faculty.
Schools have so many resources and staff dedicated to the safeguarding of minors, and you will be pleasantly surprised with how seriously they take this. In almost every local authority area, there is something known as a Multi-Agency Safeguarding Hub (MASH for short), where schools, police, social services, hospitals, etc all contribute and communicate to ensure that vulnerable people are appropriately safeguarded. By reporting this to a trusted person within your school, you will be supported, and appropriate action will be taken.
The police will very likely get involved as it is of a criminal nature, but you will be advised and supported. You will get support to help you process these emotions.
Something that you need to be aware of as well, is that by disclosing this to a trusted adult in a position of authority, they have a legal obligation to report it to the appropriate services. They have to do something about it, or they can personally be prosecuted. When you disclose this to them, they may appear disinterested – please, please, do not let this deter you. The process they have to go through afterwards is rigorous, and they will need to disclose everything as accurately as they can, without needing to ask you for more information.
You also need to know that nobody at any point is allowed to promise you anything – especially not confidentiality. If it is in your best interest for your parents to be brought in, they will be. However if you believe that is likely to cause further harm, then make sure you tell your trusted adult. The MASH will be able to make an assessment, and support you through the whole process whichever way it goes. I know this is scary, but please don’t let it put you off. The people that work is these teams are some of the best humans I’ve ever had the pleasure (wrong sentiment given the subject matter) of working with.
I genuinely wish you all the best, and I hope that you get the help you need.
Speak to the police and notify them this guy is holding indecent images of a minor on his mobile device.
See how funny he thinks it is when the plod come knocking.
He’s tried to blackmail you once. He’ll do it again for more money next time.
People have killed themselves over situations like this.
You are important. Your life is yours to live as you choose, not bend to the will of some scrote like this guy.
Hit him like a truck. Make sure he regrets it every single second for the rest of his life.
He might decide to out you. To be quite frank, he’d do it anyway if you refused to pay.
Take back control of the situation. If it means your family find out so be it. At least you’ll be able to live as yourself from here on out. There is a lot to be said for that. I suspect that your parents reaction will not be as severe as you think.
That would be distributing child porn. Your friend could end up on a sex offender register. Even images of yourself, if sent out can be used against you this way. Keeping them at all is illegal.
You have had a lot of advice here that covers the legal side of it. But I just have a suggestion in case the sh*t hots the fan and he does send the pictures.
Could you tell your parents that you were duped and sent them to a person you met online that you thought was a girl? And that yous topped talking to them when they revealed they were a boy and they’ve been blackmailing you? At least that would take the gay element out of the equation and delay you having to deal with their homophobia during this difficult time.
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you have zero assurance that after paying him off that he’ll delete the photos. essentially, he could blackmail you forever. the same thing happened to me around your age. you’ll have to rip the bandaid off & call police ASAP.
Do not give them any money. Tell them if they don’t immediately delete the photos and back off you can report them for blackmail, possession and or distribution of cp, and also revenge porn. That they will go to prison, have to register as a sex offender and end up having to pay you compensation. See if you can get something on a message you can screen shot so you have some evidence which means you have an even stronger position. You also can actually go to the police, it depends if you just want this to go away or if you want them punished for doing this to you.
Seriously… Please call an SA helpline or similar, stop taking advice from reddit, you need someone who you can talk to about this.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I just wanted to add this – I don’t work for the police but I do work in safeguarding. Please don’t be embarassed. It’s something the police will encounter regularly and they will just want to ensure your safety, that the images aren’t shared and that your ex-partner is held legally accountable. When you work in safeguarding, you can encounter things like this. We have the utmost respect and empathy for the victim, in this case, you. We want to bring you justice.
I hope your older brother can support you through this. I’m proud of you for reaching out for help. I understand how difficult that must be for you, especially given your parents are homophobic.
This is called revenge p*rn and is in fact illegal. You can go to the police and they will take it seriously for the fact it is revenge p*rn and the fact you were a minor at the time of the photos being taken. Good luck and I hope you get justice and hopefully your parents will support you.
You were underage in the photo. If he did he would be charged with soliciting child pornography. Which is hefty jail time, he’s bluffing . I would say that to him – that he would be charged with child
Pornography if he did
Might wanna talk to a lawyer first. Taking those pictures was illegal for both of you.
You could get popped for production of CP and he’ll get production and possession.
he understands that taking those photos while underage is still illegal right?
I think you can start reporting him to Snapchat, where he will be investigated, and the account will be blocked. If he misbehaves again, go to the police.
Call the police, possession of indecent photos of a minor is illegal.
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