- April 26, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## My wife wants a separation after 21 years of marriage: How AI Legalese Decoder can help
My wife recently approached me about wanting a separation after being together for 21 years. We have two young children and both of us are fortunate to have stable, well-paying jobs. Over the years, we have accumulated various investment accounts, but my wife also has a Defined Benefit Pension. As we navigate this challenging time, I am considering the possibility of staying in our current home, although the financial implications and qualification criteria are causing some concern.
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1. Get a lawyer ASAP – take advice here in consideration. Your lawyer’s advice first.
2. Get a counselor – your emotional roller coaster has just begun.
3. Regardless of the drama with your marriage keep the kids out of it. Never involve them in the details.
4. If you proceed “pull the bandaid” quick and make separate living arrangements soon and tell the kids. Living together could become ugly fast.
5. Get separate accounts and define ASAP what are joint expenses – the rest is kept separate.
6. Start taking notes and keep a detailed log of EVERYTHING. All texts / emails / discussions and document it all.
7. Don’t agree to child support / alimony. That’s your lawyers job to advise you. Pro tip – add a clause that if your incomes are within 10% no support paid either way. Save you arguing over $50 / month etc.
8. When you craft your separation agreement consider all scenarios. For example mine was written based on the kids being 50:50. Never imagined my daughter would move full time with her mom. Our agreement didn’t consider that and how some other expenses would be paid.
Mediation is key. Decide what is worth fighting over and what isn’t. Our biggest asset was the house. We agreed to live together for about 6 months until I could liquidate all my other investments and we bought her a house. My attorney has estimated it would cost me between $85k and $125k in legal fees. I told her from the beginning if we could avoid the lawyers I’d give her an extra $100k. So basically we had the house appraised, I have her half the value of the house, plus $100k and I told her I’d help her pay her bills (cell phone, auto insurance, repairs) for the first year while she gets settled. Remember: no o e is ever 100% right or 100% wrong in a separation. Take ownership of your mistakes and be quick to apologize and slow to accuse. There will be a lot of emotions. A lot of what is being said is just frustration and fear of the future
Lawyer. The advice is to get a lawyer. There are an endless number of variables here and Reddit won’t be able to help you.
Get. A. Lawyer. Even if it’s amicable and everyone is playing nicely, you still want a lawyer to make sure everything is covered.
Then also get a counsellor.
I’ve been through this. My advice is that if you both are motivated for an amicable separation, consider using a mediator. We used one (a mediator/attorney) to draw up our separation agreement. It took several sessions. Separately, I also engaged a lawyer to review it to ensure my personal interests were protected (was fine). Overall, my cost was ~$2K for everything. And I agree with others who have said to keep things positive with your kids… meaning, continue to support them in having a healthy relationship with their other parent.
In our case, we also decided that one of us should keep the family home, while the other moved out and was bought out. Our mediator helped us agree on a fair market value to use for those calculations.
If this change is not something you wanted, I’m sorry for this difficult time. But please know there can be great things on the other side. Wishing you and your family the best!
Stay friendly and professional. Get a good lawyer.
The cost of the separation solely lies on the both of you being grown adults that can talk things out. As soon as someone shuts down or thinks that the court is better at working thing out than just the two of you over a coffee is headed for a wallet whooping
If you are able to communicate and things are reasonably amicable, look into collaborative law. Each party gets a lawyer but they work together to make sure both parties get a fair deal and that both parties know their rights. They can also bring in counseling or any other kind of support (e.g. accountants) that you need along the way.
I did this and the total legal bill for both of us was around $6k (18 years ago), excluding filing fees.
You need to talk to a lawyer and figure out your rights and responsibilities. It’s very situationally specific.
And as others have said, one of your main focuses should be on the kids, and doing what’s right for them. No matter how much your ex pisses you off.
Yes get a lawyer. But remember they are there to employ the law. Find a CFP who specializes in divorce or DM me and I’ll send you some names. Many assets are not taxed equally. Sometimes the rule of law if not what both/ either partner wants. So it’s good to know what you need, what is feasible, and what you’re legally entitled to in order to help you navigate this time. Best of luck.
No one can help you if you don’t provide your numbers and more details.