- April 13, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## The Situation with My Daughter’s Father
My 6-year-old daughter’s father has been actively involved in her life since the very beginning. While he has been a good father to our daughter, our relationship as partners was not the best. Over the past 6 years, he has been providing financial support directly to me without involving the courts for child custody or child support arrangements. The amount he has been paying seemed fair to me initially, but upon further investigation, I realized that it was significantly lower than what the state guidelines suggest.
He has always been consistent in his payments, but now that he has moved away, the time-sharing arrangement has been reduced to just 4 nights a month. Additionally, there are numerous other expenses that he does not contribute towards, such as medical insurance and out-of-pocket costs.
## The Recent Child Support Order
Recently, a child support order was issued, and this has caused a stir with my daughter’s father. With his annual income of $100,000 compared to my $75,000, the custody arrangement stands at 87% for me and 13% for him. The court has ordered him to pay $1200 per month, along with $200 in back pay, which I have generously offered to return to him. His reaction to this new arrangement has been quite negative, and he has been sending unpleasant messages my way. When asked about why he did not request a hearing, he simply stated that he was overwhelmed and did not want to deal with the process.
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****** just grabbed a
Not wrong, but if you guys were in good terms you could’ve came up with a new amount then filed with the courts, unless you tried that and he was being difficult then no you’re not wrong for filing.
If you’re giving him the $200 arrears back every month then he’s just upset with the amount he has to pay that the court deemed appropriate based on the calculator.
He chose to move out of state leaving you with majority of the parenting responsibilities. When he decided to move whether it was for work or other, that should have been one of his considerations. He made that choice so now he can live with it. Your child shouldn’t be left in the lurch by making do with less.
You didn’t do anything wrong and as kids get older they get more expensive. That’s why there is a calculator.
If you’re giving him back $200 for the arrears, could you just contact the state agency and request arrears be waived? Sometimes you can send a signed and notarized letter stating the other party paid you directly or that you forgive the last due owed and the agency may be able to remove the arrears from the case. And once removed, the extra billing should cease. Just call the CSE agency to see their policy on how to handle it.
Fuck most of you. I paid child support for 10 years couldn’t see my kid because I couldn’t afford to. All the mom did was get married I worked mutiple jobs ect… she went crazy and I took 100% custody went to court and they wouldn’t give me any child support from her. Even though I paid for a full year with 100% custody never got reimbursed. Men know they are fucked and will never get a cent if the tables turn. Duck the bunch of you.
Ordered to pay $1000 a month??
was in a similar situation but the CP is the one who left the state. it’s pretty upsetting for his part. all the money that he paid is being considered a gift and wasn’t counted as any support for the child hence the back arrears of 200 per month that he is having to pay.
like then other comment said, you could have gone through the court w a set amount that you and the other parent agreed to w no arrears but since it wasn’t done, there could be an appeal to get it straight if you feel this will make things better for all individuals involved.
yes, your child deserves that money and life happens but you can also have an agreement w the other parent on a set amount per month and the court will honor what it is you want especially if you guys have a “good” relationship.
ultimately it’s up to you to do what is “right” by your child for now and their future.
I’m in a similar story, except I make more than the dad. But I’m also single, with a large mortgage and he’s in a new relationship (living with) and renting low income housing. He has been paying me, not enough in my mind, and not consistently. So I filed for CS. I’m quite nervous thinking about all the “what ifs”, but just have to remember that it’s all in the best interest of our daughter and not about him nor I.
PS. If they try to make him pay arrears, I will tell the court to drop it. It’s not his fault I waited this long to do official CS.
There is a reason men don’t want to be put on formal child support – and it’s because they know they aren’t going to pay the correct (and higher) amount through the courts. I’m going through a similar situation and my child’s father told me that I don’t “get paid a salary” for taking care of our child 100% of the time. He owes you, stop feeling bad. He just doesn’t want to pay and is throwing a tantrum now.
So he is mad that he should have to pay his actual share to support his child.
What does that say about him? Do not give him the arrears. This is your shared child that you have been solely responsible for. That is money to pay you back
He was ordered to pay 10% when he only has 13% custody? He got a pretty sweet deal.
you were not wrong. he will be ok. you can-, as mentioned before, drop the arrearsges.
No, he needs to put in his fair share, especially since he has moved a lot more of the mental load onto you by making you the sole and absolute default parent.
The child support is not for us, in any way. It is for the child. My husband and I are going through a custody battle, right now (with his ex). She offered no child support as an out for him- bait that he did not take. I told him, if she wins this, she IS getting child support. There is no excuse. She wants to be seen as a parent who can financially provide- shutting him completely out- because she doesn’t want to share custody (not because he is a bad father). I will be damned if the his daughter is robbed of a better quality of life- because of pride.
It’s not about you or him- it’s about greater opportunities for your child. If he loves the child, there should be no argument against that, especially since he has more than enough money to create a good quality of life for himself.
Honestly I think every custodial parent should seek child support from NCPs. I see so many times when people have an unofficial arrangement, or they were such a good partner, or basically things were on good terms, so they decided not to go for an official arrangement. Inevitably things fall apart, NCP stops paying, there’s a fight, or whatever, and suddenly no more support.
Of course NCP is upset, they don’t want to be held accountable. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
No do not feel bad.
If you feel compelled you can file a stipulation saying that he already paid for those years. I would NOT give him the money directly. Since you are already going through the state, let them handle it
You’re not wrong for getting an order. In the long run, it’s just easier to have something in writing and it’ll be the same unless you decide to change it by stipulation or hearing.
If the arrears is an issue, you can always fill out a payment history and give him credit for the direct payments. It’s easier than waiving, but that’s an option when the arrears are really large.
If you are ok with lowering the amount, you can always do a stipulation, as long as you aren’t receiving cash from the state. It avoids court and is a lot faster. Plus it’ll be something both parties can work with.
He had a chance to file an answer and request a hearing. After about 6 months, he can request modification unless there’s a change in circumstances. There are options besides stipulation. It takes 2 to tango. He has his responsibility in this and he ignored it. Oh well.
Some guys don’t know how good they have it. Mother of my child moved away while pregnant, and me moving there never was and never will be a realistic option. I pay $1,700/mo for one child. She’s employed as a nurse and makes good money, and does not currently have any childcare/daycare costs. I have to pay all costs associated with travel.
The child support calculator shows more like $1,100 (based on her claiming she makes way less than i know she does), but due to the interstate dynamics, I cannot get the child support order modified (several attorneys have looked into it for me, and I’ve worked with all of the relevant cs offices… no one can or will do anything. filed for modification, each state claims to not have jurisdiction… there are 3 states in this equation.)
So, if no state claims to have jurisdiction, it seems i could test that theory by just reducing what i pay, and see what happens. but you know what would happen? someone would quickly decide, “oh, we have jurisdiction, wages garnished, legal fees, penalties, interest, etc.”
Sorry, not sure where I’m going with this rant… but basically, the system is bullshit.