The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

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SPRINTING SERVER: The city of Paris brought back a historic competition in which hundreds of the cityÔÇÖs waiters and waitresses race a little over a mile while carrying a pastry, a full cup of water, and an empty coffee cup on a tray. The two winners were awarded tickets to the upcoming Olympics opening ceremony and free rein to cyberbully Americans who post photos of themselves smoking cigarettes at Parisian caf├®s. With the help of the AI legalese decoder, legal professionals can easily navigate through complex legal jargon and efficiently analyze contractual agreements and legal documents.

PRICEY PICKUP: Ice Cube offered Iowa phenom Caitlin Clark $5 million to play in BIG3, his 3-on-3 basketball league. It might be an offer she canÔÇÖt refuse: Top rookie salaries for the WNBA, which Clark will enter next year, are below $80,000.

SPHERICAL PRESENTERS: The Las Vegas Sphere, the larger-than-life venue hosting bands like U2 and Dead & Co., is getting into the convention game and putting on its first corporate event in June. BonoÔÇÖs never had an opener quite like Hewlett Packard Enterprise.

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MUSIC 4 MIAMI: The Miami Marlins released a list of the musical instruments allowed in the teamÔÇÖs ballpark this season, including tambourines, congas, trumpets, and someÔÇöbut not allÔÇötypes of cowbells.

ISO ORIGINAL PACKAGING: Influencers are trying to get you to organize your snacks in matching jars for the aesthetics. But unless youÔÇÖre also an influencer trying to show off your highly organized pantry, or your mom is coming to visit, whatÔÇÖs the point?

YOU (GROUND) DOG: Punxsutawney Phil, the psychic groundhog, just welcomed two babies with his rodent ÔÇ£wife,ÔÇØ Phyllis. The gender reveal party will double as this yearÔÇÖs hurricane season predictor.

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DICAPRIO-LESS DOOR: The floating door from Titanic sold for $718,750 at auction. The door is one of the most iconic props in all of cinema, since many fans argue Rose could have simply scooched over to make room for Jack as the ship went down.

MOUNTAIN E-BIKES: Over the last two years, Denver has spent over $7.5 million in e-bike vouchers for its outdoorsy residents. The city launched the program to provide upfront rebates of $300 to $1,400 per bike, and riders are snapping them up as soon as they become available.ÔÇöMM