- May 7, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## The challenging situation with my partner
The backstory is that my partner (I am male) has begun showing all the hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder in the last year. We’ve been together for 7 years now and are not yet married. She berates me, throws things around the house and breaks them, and screams at me on an almost daily basis, and she has me by the finances which honestly has me considering suicide, something I’ve had to reach out to a help line for before. Despite the numerous challenges, I have been supporting her through various aspects of our relationship, including financial assistance, which has now become a point of contention.
## Financial entanglement and legal concerns
I own my house, I’m the sole name on title, I purchased it with my financial history (in 2020), I pay all the taxes and the mortgage, and some of the bills. She helps out on some of the utilities now that she’s been working for 2 years. At the time of purchase, I was a few grand short from having the down payment that I had to increase to secure financing (story for another day) so she offered up the money so that I could secure the mortgage fully. Since then I paid to put her through school, covered all the bills, paid for all the groceries, and paid to keep a roof over our head while she finished her program. As she put some money up she insisted on a trust agreement and at the time it seemed reasonable so the real estate lawyer (who never even saw her, merely had her sign it in absentia) made one up. It entitles her to 50% of the net profit on sale and also binds her to 50% of the upkeep, maintenance, and expenses of ownership (she has certainly not kept to this, she only helps on the electricity and water bill, but doesn’t help on the mortgage or taxes at all).
## Concerns about mortgage renewal and a way out
The worrisome part is it only allows me to obtain a first mortgage on the house without her say so, but it seems worded so that even trying to renew my mortgage would require her to approve it. I really want to end things with her before I just end my own life because I’m in such a low spot right now. But I cannot afford the current rental and housing market and trying to end things, she’d force me to sell the house either now or at the time of renewal just to get her pound of flesh. She honestly wouldn’t care if she stands to make more money waiting to let me sell in a better market, she’d just want vengeance. I don’t even care about her being entitled to 50% of the net sale, I guess that’s her right for investing a little bit in the down payment, but I need to know if there’s any way out of this or if mortgage renewal is at least safe from her and I can continue to occupy the house after ending things at least until such a point as selling it would make sense for both of us to benefit.
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Get a lawyer independently to review the proposed trust agreement. It may or may not be sound, and her breach may or may not make it easier to discharge.
However, at the end of the day, it’s just money. It’s not worth your life, even in this housing market. If the agreement is sound, you’d generally be able to borrow against the equity to help raise the capital to buy out your ex, for example.
Your ex would have to take you to court to force a sale, if she has the ability to do so in the first place. You don’t have to do anything at all based on a demand alone, though – again, depending on your lawyer’s opinion – there may be reasons for you to do things like negotiate before things get to the point of legal action.
Is your partner on the mortgage? Does she have any specified rights to live in the property or a right to force a sale that’s set out in the trust agreement?
You could probably refinance the property to pay out both her and the existing first mortgage.
Whatever the lawyer wrote, it’s not a trust.