- November 22, 2023
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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LOSS
Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One: Finding Legal Help in the Midst of Grief
Last week, my son tragically passed away unexpectedly. As I was making arrangements with a funeral home to lay him to rest, I was handed paperwork to sign. In the midst of my grief, I inadvertedly signed a document that included a section that requested a private viewing for close friends and family before the cremation took place. I selected a date for the viewing, which was clearly marked on the paperwork. However, a few days later, I received the devastating news that my son had already been creamated.
After reaching out to the funeral home and creamatorium to understand what went wrong, I was emailed a digital copy of the paperwork. Upon reviewing it, I noticed that someone had used whiteout to cover the section where I had requested a private viewing, and had simply written “No” over it. This discovery only added to my anguish and left me feeling utterly betrayed.
The funeral home initially offered to cover all expenses, and later, to provide a partial discount. However, I am hesitant to accept either offer, as I fear that doing so might absolve them of any further liability in this matter. Furthermore, I am now faced with the difficult decision of whether to collect my son’s ashes or not, and worry that doing so might be viewed as an acceptance of their inadequate service.
In the midst of my heavy heart and confused state of mind, I am finding it incredibly challenging to navigate this situation on my own. Are there any steps I can take to seek legal guidance during this difficult time? I have received some helpful suggestions about finding a quality lawyer and reaching out to the state board, and I am planning to pursue these routes in the near future. Any advice or well wishes are greatly appreciated as I traverse this emotional and legal minefield.
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****** just grabbed a
Not a lawyer. HereÔÇÖs my input from my funeral science degree. Pick up the cremated remains (ashes). If you donÔÇÖt pick them up after a certain amount of time , they can be ÔÇ£discardedÔÇØ which means theyÔÇÖll be buried in a communal ashes spot. When you pick up the cremated remains, read the form and make sure that you are only signing off on receiving the cremated remains (make sure thereÔÇÖs no hidden things about liability). If thereÔÇÖs liability clauses in receiving the cremated remains thatÔÇÖs sketchy. Refuse to sign it and demand a new release form. Reasonable liability clauses are presented by the funeral home when they feel like the deceased should not be viewed due to extreme conditions of the deceasedÔÇÖs body. If the funeral home thinks it would bring the family members trauma to view the body, and the family insists, the family must sign a waiver to view the body and not hold the funeral home liable.
You should Contact the Virginia Board of Funeral Directors by phone call and email. Keep contacting until you get a response. Do not accept discounts or anything rectifying their mistake. Keep a copy of your original contact as well as the edited contract. What they did was a huge no no . ThereÔÇÖs several protocols in place in funeral homes and crematories that is supposed to prevent this type of thing from happening. They messed up big time and hope youÔÇÖll keep quiet. DonÔÇÖt keep quiet. Legally, theyÔÇÖre in the wrong, but youÔÇÖll probably have to contact a lawyer to see what youÔÇÖre entitled to. Contacting the board is a good first step to hold them accountable.
https://www.dhp.virginia.gov/funeral/
This is the website for your state board. I would start there. IÔÇÖm so sorry this happened to you.
Funeral director here :
Start with a Virginia board complaint that will get their attention for sure . They messed up HUGE and they know it. This is a big deal in the funeral industry and there is a lot of red tape to stop it from happening both for the family and for the licensure of the funeral home.
Unfortunately there is no reversal but you deserve the right to know they wonÔÇÖt do this down the road and that they understand how much this hurt your family.
get the ashes ÔÇöand save any and all communication with the funeral home. Again lodge a board complaint at least to start they are legally required to explain to the board what happens
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NAL.
I’m incredibly sorry for this additional grief. Just wanted to share that, while contacting a lawyer, you can also get additional info from some incredibly kind souls over at r/askfuneraldirectors. They are extremely knowledgeable and may have a FD in your state that can give you more guidance on specifics.
Sorry for your loss OP. IÔÇÖm a funeral director, but not in Virginia.
From your description it sounds like it might have been a direct cremation without embalming or public visitation but with a short private identification period before cremation.
A private identification is usually limited to a small group of people for a set amount of time.
I hope you received copies of all documents that you signed at the time you signed them but it doesnÔÇÖt sound like it if the funeral home emailed you what you say are altered copies.
Others have given you good guidance.
Do file a complaint with the Virginia bureau that oversees funeral directors. Your experience might be a horrible one time mistake or it might be indicative of broader problems at that funeral home, they should investigate.
Consult an attorney to find out what your options are given the circumstances.
IÔÇÖd pick the ashes up before the 120 day deadline if I were you. Read carefully anything that you sign. There should be a form detailing the location, date, and parties involved in turning the ashes over to you. Make sure to get your signed copy right then and there. Keep conversation to a minimum since you are considering pursuing legal action.
IÔÇÖm sorry this happened to you and hope later youÔÇÖre able to find some closure in other ways.
I wonÔÇÖt comment on the process because I think others are better informed about it. But, picking up the cremains will not release your claim unless you explicitly agree to release your claim. Accepting money is different. They can theoretically argue almost anything, but no judge or jury is going to think that the most reasonable course of action is for you to not pick up the cremains of your loved one. You should absolutely collect the cremains. If you donÔÇÖt pick them up within the designated time, you may forfeit possession.
IÔÇÖm so sorry, OP. I canÔÇÖt imagine what youÔÇÖre going through. IÔÇÖm a lawyer, not YOUR lawyer. I know very, very little about funeral services and their regulations so I am not speaking as an expert. I just want to reiterate the several recommendations to contact VirginiaÔÇÖs state board for funeral directors. A friend of mine served on a board in a different state, and I want to emphasize that they take matters like this very seriously. They can help reduce the likelihood that this will happen again in the future.
Lawyer immediately.
DonÔÇÖt fuck around with state board.
IÔÇÖm so very sorry that you lost your son and that you have had this experience with a supposed to be trusted professional.
IÔÇÖm a Funeral Director, in a state other than Virginia. Please do the following things in this order:
1. Get your son. He was going to be cremated and you had plans for his urn. Follow through for him. Not getting him will only make this worse for you.
2. Call the best lawyer you can. This shit is beyond unacceptable and they need to be dealt with harshly. These bad apples spoil the reputation of us that work really hard to properly take care of families.
Edit: I want to clarify what I am referring to as beyond unacceptable.
It was possibly an honest mistake that your son was cremated early. Mistakes can happen, and when punished should not be punished as strongly as when an act was done with malicious intent (like involuntary manslaughter vs first degree murder). An investigation needs to happen about whether this was an honest mistake or done maliciously and then dealt with appropriately.
However, the truly unacceptable part where they should be harshly penalized by the state is for the cover up. It makes me wonder what else they may be covering up.
My husband is a funeral director and previously worked at a crematorium in the uk. This is a gross breach of contract and conduct since they whited it out and wrote over it.
My husband advises to pick the remains up as they can spread them if not collected within a certain time period. Read through the collection paperwork before signing very carefully and take pictures time and date stamped of everything. Take a witness with you and contact an attorney. They have offered to cover all costs then back tracked by the sounds of this. By them doing both of these options are they admitting liability. Do not do any conversations via telephone, email everything. If a conversation is had via call or in person follow up with an email.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Ask for the original paperwork, because If they used white out, you might still be able to see your original answer from the back.
Keep in mind that if you don’t pick up the ashes, they might dispose of them.
ItÔÇÖs also a possible forgery if they unilaterally ÔÇ£modifiedÔÇØ the contract to cover up their mistake. You have enough claims to have leverage over the funeral home. What do you want? Refund and no charge for services? Additional punitive damages? A reprimand, revocation, etc. of their license, depending on what is possible? Once you decide, then push for something that would satisfy you.
I was licensed in VA for years. Did you pay extra for the opportunity to view your son or was there anything in the contract guaranteeing the opportunity? If not you might not get much by going to court. If I were you I would decide what I thought was fair compensation and ask for that and if you don’t get it talk to the local press. Older people still read the paper and thats who the funeral home makes their money from. They’d likely do more to keep their name clean than be forced to by the board or court.
IÔÇÖm so sorry for your loss. Pick up the remains, complain to the state and county, get a discount or full refund. Know that legal action will be long and will not bring your son back. I would want to end this chapter for myself and start grieving. I donÔÇÖt feel that anger towards the funeral home or winning a lawsuit will bring any closure.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Sorry for your loss.
While this is a grizzly topic, there has been some big headline stuff over the years with a handful of funeral homes mishandling remains–either because of incompetence, cost cutting, or greed. The result being that remains get improperly stored somewhere, and/or parts get harvested & sold without permission. If the latter, the unexpected cremation might have been done to hide this, since the consequences for that would be far lesser than improper harvesting.
It might be a good idea to have the ashes tested to make sure they’re not just concrete dust or a mix of remains from multiple individuals. It might also be a good idea to investigate the possibility of body brokers & tissue banks receiving material from this funeral home.
These might not actually be what happened in this situation, but maybe something that should at least be looked at if nothing else to at least rule it out.
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NAL. I wonder if they paid for cremation but not embalming. Then they requested family viewing several days later, which may have resulted in the deceased starting to decay. I’m trying to say there may have been a conflict between family wishes and state regulations regarding handling of the deceased.
However, the funeral home absolutely failed in their duty by not notifying the family of the situation.
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I literally know nothing on this subject. But what are the damages suffered by the family? How do you think lawyers would measure this in damages
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