- November 12, 2023
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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Financial Anxiety in Comparison to Others
Hello everyone, I am new to this community and grateful to have found a space where I can discuss my financial concerns. I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety related to my finances, and there are primarily two reasons for this. Firstly, I find myself in a different social and economic class than my friends, and secondly, I have uncertainties about how I will ever be able to afford the future life I desire.
At 33 years old, I am not in a committed relationship like many of my friends who have household incomes exceeding $200,000, with some earning much more. In contrast, I earn in the 80s and I do not consider myself particularly skilled at managing my finances. This discrepancy in financial status and lifestyle choices has caused me a great deal of anxiety.
Comparing Lives and Feeling Stuck
I am sure many of you can relate to the feelings of anxiety that arise when comparing your life to those of your friends. It can be overwhelming to see their achievements and realize that you may feel “stuck” or unable to progress without first resolving your financial concerns. This has been a source of great distress for me, especially when it comes to realizing the differences in social and economic class between myself and the friends I grew up with.
Thinking about the Future
As I see my friends starting families and advancing in their careers, I cannot help but worry about my own future. The prospect of affording to have children, pay off my loans, purchase property, save for retirement, and maintain a comfortable standard of living seems daunting. I recently came across an article about a woman who paid $50,000 for IVF to have a child as a single mother by choice, and it made me question if I will be able to navigate similar circumstances without a partner.
Finding Financial Freedom
Despite my strong desire for adventure and an unconventional lifestyle, I do not want financial limitations to hinder my options. Whether it is starting a family, owning a home, or embarking on a nomadic lifestyle, I hope to make these choices based on my own preferences rather than being constrained by financial constraints.
AI Legalese Decoder
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Listen, I know it sucks because I also want that life and donÔÇÖt know how IÔÇÖm ever going to achieve it even though itÔÇÖs a goal of mine. To be honest though, where youÔÇÖre at is where I would like to be atleast for now. Our household income is only $59,000 and thatÔÇÖs me being generous and ballparking it. I would KILL to be where youÔÇÖre at right now. Even with that low income though, weÔÇÖre doing all of the things you mentioned. We have two kids, weÔÇÖre about to pay off our car, buy a house, we have a 401k and we live a decent life. ItÔÇÖs possible, maybe not to the extent we dream of, but possible. Money management is key. I used to be horrible with finances but in the past two years IÔÇÖve completely overhauled everything, IÔÇÖm on top of our finances and we can afford things I never thought we could just from money management. I empathize with you though obviously, I wish we made more, we would be set. I do believe it will happen. My husband is looking to get a new job that pays more. It will just take time.
While not in the exact same position, I totally understand what you are talking about. My partner and I both work in fields that there is more a focus of the fulfillment you get than the paycheck. I worried for years about how we were never going to do anything we wanted unless we won a lottery or something. I remember thinking that we would never have enough money to buy a house, but eventually we did!
I’m in my late 30’s now, we aren’t rolling in it by any means. But our goals of buying a house and having a child have come to fruition. I watch our retirement savings carefully, built up an efund, etc. While I am SURE many of my friends are doing better than me, I don’t focus on that. There are definitely things that I do that my friends don’t have to, like drive slightly older cars, we decided to only have 1 child, chose to buy in an area with cheaper homes, etc. However, I don’t worry about any of that. The reality is, people can make more money and still be up to their eyeballs in debt. You really have NO idea how they are actually doing with their finances. Just worry about yourself.
You mention that you aren’t very good at finances. That is something you can take control of. Do research, set goals, work towards them. That was something that helped me as I made plans for our future and the goals that we wanted.
We aren’t going to have 5 kids and get a huge house in the burbs. Thankfully, we didn’t particularly care to do that anyway. Unfortunately sometimes your finances do make decisions for you, but so is life!
Single 30+yo here too and I just wanna say I can totally relate.
In the therapy sessions IÔÇÖve been in, I was always advised not to compare myself to my friends, that comparison is the thief of joy, but itÔÇÖs easier said than done.
At some points you have to stop comparing your situation with others. The overthinking is not doing you any good. YouÔÇÖre literally trying to keep up with the Joneses. You have a roof over your head, food in your fridge and a sense of safety and security.
We live in a materialistic society. Your life path might not be the same as others. That being said there will always be someone who makes more than you do. You don’t have to be wealthy to have kids. I’m a single mother of 3 kids and live on ssdi. What you can do is try to save money so you can experience the things you want to in life. 80k is a great salary. You can do a lot with that. In fact studies show making more than this will not impact your happiness that much. One thing you do have is freedom. You can date who you want to. You can go to a concert and not have to worry about a babysitter. If you feel like eating pizza for a week so be it but I do not recommend. Think about what you do have not what you don’t. Back in the 1600s people just wanted to live and not have fleas biting them. Only you can do you.
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I can definitely empathize. I feel financial anxiety every single day. I am married with one kid, have an okay-ish paying job for a pretty low COL area, and hubs has a less-great paying job. We do okay, but my job could vanish (itÔÇÖs complicated) and my options for another job will need to involve some kind of career change. That has me sweating bullets if I think about it too much. We get by just fine day-to-day, but another kid is out of the question. WeÔÇÖre also a long way away from home ownership, unfortunately.
And yes, it hurts seeing friends I grew up with doing SO well, with vacation homes and giant SUVs and a gaggle of kids. I think about the same things you mentioned – buying a house, savings, retirement, vacations, plus all the kid-related stuff like college fund, preschool, extra curricular activities, etc – every day and wonder how we will make it all happen.
ItÔÇÖs comforting to see some reminders here that IÔÇÖm definitely not alone in feeling that way. And itÔÇÖs inspired me to get my act together more financially. There is so much I donÔÇÖt know and need to learn in order to shape up our budget and savings. Anyway thank you for making this post. It helps to feel less alone in this and itÔÇÖs nice to be reminded that we do have some control over the money we do earn.
Unless you are having very open and candid conversations with your friends about their finances (something that I actually absolutely recommend!) remember that you really don’t know what is going on behind the curtain. I have some friends that I assumed were making way more money than I was based on their spending. Turns out they are just in debt to their eyeballs. I don’t envy them at all. I understand things like home ownership and starting a family aren’t just “stuff” to you – they are obviously part of how you dream of your future. Just remember that this path doesn’t have to look the way it does for your friends.
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It is ok to just be alive and exist. Everyone is on a different chapter in their lives and a different page. Some people are living in a different book or story. It doesnÔÇÖt make your book/life less special, just different.
$80k as a single person is fine. So kids question aside you can definitely accumulate significant wealth but it will take discipline (as it does at $200k).
Remember also most of your friends spend most of whatÔÇÖs coming in as well.
As someone whoÔÇÖs single, 24, and making 45k, I just cannot fathom how people are anxious that are also single and making more.
DonÔÇÖt worry, IÔÇÖm not jealous in the slightest, but I just canÔÇÖt imagine how people worry. I live below my means but also donÔÇÖt cheap out. I have plenty and still end up saving most of my money.
Most of my friends are married AND have kids, which is pretty crazy to think about at my age. Like IÔÇÖm glad for them, but itÔÇÖs basically giving up your freedom, which I find hard to justify. Maybe when IÔÇÖm 35 IÔÇÖll think about it.
I deleted social media and joined some meetups and organizations to keep me busy after work. That way IÔÇÖm not sitting at home and having enough time to think about this. Also, maybe try to find some people who are in your similar situation. IÔÇÖm sorry but that is just the way life is. YouÔÇÖll stay friends with some and lose some others due to changing life circumstances. ItÔÇÖs no ones fault, itÔÇÖs just how it is
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I’m in tech in SF making 110 (i’m new) and a lot of my friends are rich-rich. I try to stay super focused on my track and my goals. Yes you can look at other people to assess the market, but not for direct comparison. They may have a larger hh income but dude they have to live with a partner and kids!!! you couldn’t double my income for that. i’ll feel like i’ve Made It if i can pull 350 someday. I actually got an offer for 145 plus 200k equity vested over 4 years but pulled out due to DoD involvement (religious pacifist).