- May 26, 2024
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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## Feeling Overwhelmed: A Personal Story
Late 30s, single guy in Ottawa, chronically and functionally depressed for over a decade now, working from home since COVID.
My current place is an old house so rather lots of quirks and little things to fix so even if I was to rent it out and rent a condo I’m still on the hook for all the maintenance work.
I just want to be done with this place, I’m not handy, I have no mental/physical energy, I can do enough maintenance to keep it running right now but that’s everything I’ve got.
Meaning my life just consists of working from home, do house work and whatever maintenance I have to do, eat out maybe twice a week, and that’s it because mentally I’m just done.
I feel like I’m slowly dying inside.
It’s not just the amount of work but being a full time property manager, always worry when it rains, and when it snows etc.
If I sell the house I estimate that I can probably afford a 2 bed 1 bath in a walkable area inside the city and keep the mortgage low, which to me seems very generous for a single guy and if I ever get into a relationship (how I wish) it can still be ok.
Does that sound like a reasonable decision? Or am I making a major mistake somehow?
I know financially it’s probably not optimal, but I need to un-fuck my life somehow and the house being a part-time second job is no help.
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### Taking Steps Towards Improvement
Thank you so much everyone for all the love and insights.
I’m going to take a step back and carefully evaluate my options, I’m noting down some especially salient advice:
– moving to condo isn’t risk free, but the haircut from commissions and fees are guaranteed
– even in good buildings, you can get bad neighbours
– while house problems can be difficult, people problems are usually impossible
– at least my house issues are the devil I know
– the stress is due to me being hyper focused on house work, because I don’t do anything else
I have already done a session with a therapist and have started taking after-work walks around my neighbourhood to boost my mental energy.
For now I’m going to try my best to improve myself in-place as it’s risk free, hopefully the more things I fit into my life the less focused I will be on the house issues.
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****** just grabbed a
Do you have a building/neighborhood you’re interested in?
Find an AirBNB in that area with the space you’re thinking of (2 bdrm, 1 bath) and stay there for a month. Move in. Test-drive condo living. Enjoy the walkable neighborhood. The lack of maintenance. The amenities. You may love it. You may hate it. But you’ll have a better idea of what to watch out for.
Yes, sell and move to a walkable area. Renting or buying a condo are reasonable choices. Personally, I would rather buy, because I like to make the space my own and not be restricted by what landlords allow and whatever bad repairs they might do.
There’s a lot less mental load in a condo. You have some unit maintenance to keep up with, but much less than a house. A lot of things are handled for you. As long as you buy into a decent strata.
I’ve lived and worked from home in non-walkable areas, and I became depressed. Being able to pop out to a bakery or coffee shop even when I don’t have the energy for a drive is so liberating. It’s important to get out of the house and socialize, and I found that much easier to do when I moved to a walkable area.
It’s likely the issue isn’t the house. You are depressed. That makes everything, the house, unmanageable and unbearable.
Please seek out therapy and/or medication before making such a huge financial change like selling your house in this economy.
I own a condo in Ottawa. I live in Hintonburg, so I don’t own a car and I walk/bike/transit basically everywhere.
I won’t lie, it’s been awesome. People in Canada (and especially Ottawa) seem to be so anti-condo for some reason. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a good bit of work, especially since I live in building that’s over 30 years old, but I am the least handy person of all time (I can hardly hang up paintings) and I make do just fine. Just do some research into the building you’re buying into.
Me and my partner don’t plan on having kids, and we say to each other all the time we could live here forever. I never want to mow a lawn or shovel a driveway. I love waking up on a saturday morning and getting to have a coffee on my balcony or walk 2 minutes to a cafe to get a baked good. Condo fees are a bit high but it’s worth it when you consider how much you save in maintenance and repairs, but also just how much less stress it is.
Not sure what neighbourhood you live in, but in my biased opinion, Ottawa suburbs are some of the most depressing places on planet earth. It’s so much more worth it to get a smaller place in a nicer neighbourhood.
So do it, fuck it. Sell that house and buy a condo. I know everyone in Ottawa makes it seem like you need to own 2500 sq ft 4-bed 3-bath single detached or else you’ll get claustrophobic, but that’s nonsense. You can PM me to chat more if you’d like.
I’m also late 30s in Ottawa but bought a Condo… the quality of condos/ neighbor is not that good. I had a house before on west coast and thought it was too much work so I thought Condo would be less work… but didn’t realize even concrete Condo isn’t enough. Anyway, with the cost of switching, I think you could easily hire someone to fix everything for you. Also, you’ll eventually get used to ignoring the small things (duct tape and zip tie seems to fix a lot things)
You have no other people to be accountable to? Then find what works for you. Sounds like downscaling and simplifying your life is just the ticket. Prudent financial advice would say you should save/invest what is left over from the sale, but you should invest a little of that in your own happiness.
Are you willing to travel? Is there anything you can do to disrupt your routine for a little while?
Brother – sell the place. If you don’t like it, get rid of it and find a condo to live in instead. Condo’s are great because the maintenance is all covered by building management. Just do your research on which condos in your areas are good and which aren’t.
You got this.
You’ll never meet anyone in your big lonely house in the suburbs so sell it and move somewhere that can help get you out more!
Personally I would sell and get a condo. For a non handy person an old house is a nightmare. Also a money pit to maintain. And hiring people costs an arm and a leg. Many bad contractors out there as well. Just make sure you buy a unit in a good building with a healthy reserve fund. Avoid old condo buildings say pre 1970 or new ones built in last 10 years as both likely have issues with poor construction on new ones and deterioration in older ones.
If you work from home consider relocating for a ‘fresh’ new experience?
No. A “house” is not some generic life goal that everyone must achieve to “be successful”. If condo lifestyle in walkable area suits you, do it right now.
I’m sick of people saying they “upgraded” from a condo to a house.
Money better well spent would be therapy.
A condo should definitely take some pressure off of your workload. There’s still going to be maintence in a condo.. but at least you don’t have to do anything outside and it’ll likely be a bit smaller, so less cleaning.
Being in a walkable area is always nice too.
You should sell and maybe consider renting instead to take the burden off any maintenance.
Instead of condo why not a townhouse? You get the space or small house with the benefits of a condo. Plus they appreciate it more than Condos.
I have seen some big condo buildings which have townhouse titles for the ground floor
It’s beautiful to see this amount of care on a finance forum!
1. Home ownership is not for everyone. Renting forever is perfectly reasonable.
2. Sounds like you bought a shithole to begin with.
3. Sell and move on with your life.
4. Ottawa is not a cold city, especially for single folks. I know because been there done that. COVID just made everything worse. I can’t diagnose your depression but only you can help yourself.
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If you want to find a girlfriend and spouse, turn your life around by making lifestyle changes and keep your house. Sign up for activities or sports. Go to the gym. Selling your house and renting is the worst advice this sub loves to give. Out of all the women I’ve dated or had a relationship with, majority of them frown at renting or living at home. Home ownership is a must.
You know what you want, and you’ve reasoned it out well. Sorry you’re struggling with your mental health. Perhaps being in the hustle of the city with lots of services in walking distance will be helpful.
I completely empathesize. My house has been nothing short of a monster with an endless appetite for my time sweat and money. Constant upkeeping that the thought of being in a condo and paying maintenance in a walkable area has crossed my mind despite the Financials.
Considering ur mental health and time (and depression) it’s certainly a valid option to pursue. Being closer to the action may help with the WFH situation feeling less isolated
Do you think you will be okay living in close quarters with so many people? Elevator rides ? Neighbour’s above below and beside ? Noise from their apartments ? Test drive it before you decide to sell . Get an airbnb and stay there for a month maybe
Bro, I’d sell the house. People love to spew out “buy a house it’s the only way to be happy and free” but times have changed, and that is such a dated concept now.
Sell it and go rent. Get your life back. Mental health is much more important for you at this point. What’s the point of owning a house if it’s a constant stress contributor? No thanks
Home ownership is not for the weak. I’ve had to be talked off the ledge a few times ( seriously felt like burning the house down). I finally hired people to get the work done that had to get done. Then saved more money and got more work done. In the long run it will be worth it when I sell, but you need to do what’s best for you.
Hey, I do understand. Im in the same boat, a husband in and out of the hospital due to a rare syndrome that causes cancer. I deal with TBI and brain trauma. Live on a disability, frightened and depressed, resources are limited. Unable to work due to my husband’s illness. Frightened to end up on the street. Ive worked hard all my life and lost a bit every day because of living on a set income and cost of living. How can one survive? I wish I could help! This does pull at my heartstrings, many are in your position. Trust in God.
I also live in ottawa in my 30’s. Im right there with you. Mentally done lol.
Return to office my guy
I sold my house and bought a condo and it made me a much happier, less stressed out person.
Think about what you want though – I opted for a place with an indoor and outdoor pool, BBQ area, a little courtyard, a bowling alley, indoor parking that’s not underground (we have a parking structure that’s 3 stories all above ground), 2 and half bedrooms, a separate kitchen from my living room and a dining room, 2 full bathrooms (one en suite and one accessible for the rest of the condo)., 1200 square feet and a security gate and security at the visitor parking. These things were important to me so I went with an older building (built in 2001) but well maintained with a healthy fund to cover building improvements and upgrades. It’s also a no smoking building which I appreciate.
I have enough space, all on one floor, a sense of community if I want it and privacy and anonymity when I don’t. Convenient parking where I don’t need to shovel snow and I have no lawns to mow.
I am still responsible for my pipes within the condo, electrical within the condo, my air conditioner/heater parts that are within my condo but it’s a lot less than the house.
My condo fees are the same every month so I don’t worry about high hydro bills or gas bills and my taxes are much lower.
My only down part is the occasional fire alarm because of neighbours.
Condo sounds like a good way to go, no yard work, minimal maintenance inside your unit (lightbulbs, etc). Bigger outdoor issues like roof, siding is handled by the pooled condo fees reserve fund.
I dont think the house is the issue here.
Sell and go on some crazy trip or move elsewhere for a while to find that life and excitement you have been missing maybe
Un fuck your life! Release the house
Try to get out maybe find a sport team to join? You got this. Trust your decision and move on.
But a condo in a walkable area!! This is a great idea. Have you tried any drug therapies for your depression? You got this. It will get better.
My initial reaction is you should just sell and then rent or buy a condo.
When I read further down that maintenance is causing you problems it makes me wonder what specifically? Quirks can be fixed long term if you hire someone. Like what’s the difference from being in a condo? Cutting grass and shovelling snow? I actually like having a couple things to do as an excuse to get out of my desk chair (I WFH too most days).
It’s not like condos are maintenance free, you just don’t have to shovel or mow.
Bro you need to get a job outside the house. It’s the problem.
Well you didn’t post any numbers, but knowing what I do about Toronto real estate prices, you’ll probably make out like a bandit if you sell now. Selling is certainly an option, which you wouldn’t have if the mortgage was underwater.
So yes, sell for sure.
You’ll need somewhere to live so take the time to figure out the rent vs buy problem. (if you choose to rent, you’ll want to invest the difference).
Good luck!
Sounds like you should get away and come back with a fresh perspective. Also, saw a comment about getting therapy and making changes. The biggest thing is that we will get into a rut so make a change that’s doable that your therapist can agree on. This is all a suggestion, but having that burnt out feeling where you can even do the simplest thing around the house is something I can relate to.
Lol sell it enjoy life you only live once xo