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Discovering My Path at Hopkins: A Journey of Self-Discovery

At some point, virtually every student who walks through the halls of Johns Hopkins University finds themselves faced with a series of probing questions. These inquiries often come from curious peers or relatives, such as:

• “So, you’re going to be a doctor?”

• “Don’t they have a great medical school?”

• “Didn’t Dr. House go there?”

The Reputation of Hopkins

The reputation of Hopkins is monumental, often overshadowing the individual aspirations of its students. For many, the name of the institution invokes an immediate image of sophisticated research facilities and groundbreaking clinical trials, a beacon of excellence in the medical field. As I embarked on my freshman year, I found myself grappling with an intense (mostly self-imposed) pressure to pursue a career in medicine. Considering the tremendous resources available, it seemed entirely sensible. My surroundings were populated with peers who had already dedicated themselves to medical paths, intensifying this expectation. However, as I reflect on my journey, it strikes me as somewhat amusing how little genuine interest I had in the field back then.

In truth, most career options seemed nebulous and distant to me. Beyond intangible interests in areas like international studies, literature, cognitive science, and statistics, I was utterly lost about my future ambitions. The prospect of committing to a long-term career felt overwhelmingly daunting, as if the weight of the decision bore down on my shoulders.

A Journey of Exploring Interests

Instead of rushing into a specific career decision, I chose to take a step back. During my initial semester, I procrastinated making definite choices about my future. Instead, I enrolled in classes that piqued my interest—whatever sounded sufficiently engaging. My first-semester schedule turned into a medley of courses encompassing math, English, chemistry, psychology, and cognitive science. Eventually, I settled on a double major in cellular and molecular neuroscience and English.

While I found the world of wet lab research fascinating, a career in science writing had also begun to capture my imagination; my experience contributing to The News-Letter even fueled this aspiration. Nevertheless, despite these choices, I sensed something inherent was misaligned with my decisions, and I could not shake the feeling that I was still searching for my true calling.

New Perspectives and Experiences

As I approached the midpoint of my college experience, I again faced significant indecision. After my sophomore year, I participated in a transformative spring break service trip with Habitat for Humanity in the rural areas of West Virginia. The week I spent in Huntington was indescribably rewarding. The individuals I collaborated with were incredibly down-to-earth, and the labor felt profoundly meaningful. However, interspersed within those joyful moments were subtle glimpses of unspoken tragedies. Used needles lay scattered across the floors of the neglected homes we worked hard to rehabilitate, and local volunteers discussed in hushed tones the recent overdose that had occurred just steps away from our worksite.

These heartrending stories surrounding the opioid epidemic left a profound mark on my heart, urging me to delve deeper into the complexities of addiction and its effects on humanity.

Coincidentally, shortly after this eye-opening experience, I secured a coveted National Institutes of Health summer internship at the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) in Baltimore. At NIDA, we researched neural pathways associated with addiction, studying brain images of rats that had been exposed to cocaine. As I delved into this work over subsequent semesters, I began to draw striking parallels between my experiences in Huntington and my responsibilities at NIDA, each offering a different representation of addiction.

Dual Perspectives on Addiction

Through these diverse experiences, I found myself confronting two starkly different views of addiction. In West Virginia, I saw its devastating human and social costs up close. Conversely, at NIDA, we engaged with addiction as a mechanistic pathology through advanced imaging and systematic experimentation. This duality transformed my perception of addiction, illustrating the complex nature of human beings as entities celebrated for their emotional narratives yet bound by their intricate biological frameworks.

In this way, my studies in both English and neuroscience began to beautifully mirror one another. Literature explored human experiences through the lens of language, structure, and narrative within societal contexts, while neuroscience approached the same human experience through the lens of physiological mechanisms and functions of the nervous system.

Transitioning into Medicine

Gradually, my interest in medicine began to blossom, driven by a newfound understanding of its profound goal: alleviating suffering. This realization made my pursuit of a medical career both scientifically and humanistically enriching. Inspired by these insights, I took proactive steps to engage in clinical volunteering and shadowing opportunities and eventually applied to medical school. Now, as I navigate the challenges of my third year, I value the sense of purpose my decision has imbued in my life.

Until my junior year, I viewed a career in medicine with a discerning lens, particularly in light of the weight of Hopkins’ reputation and the accompanying peer pressure. I hesitated to pursue medicine simply because it was deemed the expected route. My professors highlighted in my English seminars the importance of analyzing texts based on their actual content rather than adhering to preconceived notions. This wisdom resonated with my own navigation of career choices; I resolved not to rush impulsively into medicine without gathering sufficient evidence from my lived experiences. Undeniably, through a genuine exploration of my interests and values, I found my way to this profession.

The Challenges and Regrets

The premed journey at Hopkins has undoubtedly been arduous, often even more taxing than my ongoing experiences in medical school. Finding a balance between academics, extracurricular activities, and personal life proved challenging, and I made sacrifices to compensate for two years spent grappling with uncertainty about my career. Nevertheless, I have no regrets about taking the time to reflect intentionally on my future. Ultimately, I feel good about having made a well-informed decision based on concrete experiences, which aligns with the teachings of my professors.

Naturally, the thought of the life I could have led in another profession occasionally crosses my mind. Would I have been happier working at a publishing house, for example? While the answer remains elusive, I ponder the possibility of regret had I chosen a different path and missed the opportunity to pursue medicine. At this point, I find myself immensely thankful for the decision I’ve made.

Embracing the Journey

Although life as a medical student isn’t perfect—navigating overnight shifts and juggling responsibilities can be arduous—my passion for medicine remains deeply anchored. Much like the natural ebb and flow of emotions, my enthusiasm may vary, but I will always hold my pursuit of medicine as a deeply meaningful endeavor. I am grateful that my dazed freshman self opted against rushing into a career without thoughtful consideration. That kind of temporary procrastination has proven to be one of the wisest choices I could have made.

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Jae Choi graduated from Hopkins in 2021 with degrees in Neuroscience and English. He is currently a medical student at UT Southwestern Medical Center. Throughout his experience at Hopkins, he developed a passion for making sense of life’s complexities, particularly during extended stays at home during the pandemic, discovering significance in everyday activities.

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