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A Difficult Situation: Next of Kin and Family Dynamics

The Background

Recently, I suffered a stroke and, as a precautionary measure, I designated the mother of my child as my next of kin when I was admitted for treatment. Our custody arrangement is 50/50, and I wanted to ensure that she would be informed in the event of an emergency or if I were incapacitated or deceased. I did not inform her about the stroke because of our complicated history and the fact that she has borderline personality disorder. I managed the situation without involving her.

The Unexpected Consequences

Today, she contacted me and informed me that she received a letter from the medical clinic, which prompted her to suggest that I find someone else to be my next of kin. The letter in question was actually a questionnaire seeking feedback on my experience with a transient ischemic attack (TIA) and stroke. I am now concerned about whether the medical clinic had the right to share this information with my ex-partner, who is listed as my next of kin.

The Problem: Weaponization of Information

The real issue is that she is using this information to accuse me of concealing a serious matter from her. This is causing me a great deal of anger and frustration, and I am seeking advice on how to navigate this difficult situation.

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Conclusion

I am still trying to process the situation and figure out the best way to move forward. If you have any advice or insights, please share them. I am open to any suggestions that can help me navigate this complex and emotionally charged situation.

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4 Comments

  • DefineCoincidental

    I’m really sorry about your situation, but this was well within the rights of the practice, and the mother of your child is warranted in feeling a little off about being listed as your next of kin.

    In Australia, the listed next if kin can be contacted to make medical decisions on behalf of an individual who is unable to make them themselves. This could involve consenting to medical treatments, surgeries, or procedures. The next of kin might also be responsible for making decisions about life-sustaining treatments, hospice care, and other aspects of end-of-life care.

    I understand why you listed her, as you wanted to make sure your child was well taken care of. But you signed her up for something that she wasn’t aware of or ready for.

    A survey on your condition going to the next of kin that you provided is totally reasonable in this situation.

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  • truthserumau

    Thanks for your thoughts on this. It looks like a clerical error or systematic error but wow, this really affects me. Having a condition weaponised against me. Fill out a survey sure but I’ve been busy trying to parent effectively post stroke and manage a stressful job so replying to a survey wasn’t priority 1. Though I did want to when I could for the reason of contributing. If my ex wasn’t such a bad person I’d be okay with it but they’ve worsened my situation now and my position as a parent. How do you deal with that? I know that it’s going to help her in trying to change a consent order. Do I have grounds to sue them for the breach? Then I can just unload that money in any responses to her attempts

  • Neulara

    This is absolutely a breach of privacy. The next of kin can be contacted in emergencies, but should not be contacted for routine follow-up like this feedback questionnaire about a patient who is competent to make their own decisions.

    I’m confused why this questionnaire was sent to the NOK address and not directly to the patient’s address. I wonder if the address details were swapped in the medical records.

    I would make a complaint to the medical clinic. Unfortunately that won’t turn back time and you still have to deal with the NOK knowing about your medical condition from the questionnaire.