AI Legalese Decoder: Simplifying Divorce Proceedings and Relocation for Parents with Two Children
- August 18, 2023
- Posted by: legaleseblogger
- Category: Related News
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**Morning all: Seeking Advice on Separation and Housing Situation**
I (34M) am currently going through a separation from my wife. We have two children, aged 8 and 4, and share a mortgage. Initially, the plan was for my wife to move out and rent a place, as she could claim more benefits due to her part-time work hours. We agreed to split childcare responsibilities 50/50.
However, things have taken an unexpected turn. After a night out with her friends, my wife returned with the belief that men rarely get to stay in the family home during separations, especially when children are involved. She has applied for universal credit and is expecting her first payment next week. She claims that if I continue to live in the house, it will affect her UC claim, potentially leading to withdrawal and serious consequences for her.
While I understand her concern, I also find it unfair that I am being forced out of the house. After all, both our names are on the mortgage. Although I have the option to temporarily move in with my parents, it doesn’t address the core issue.
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I am hesitant to consider selling the house, as I believe stability is crucial for our children’s well-being. Moreover, I suspect that my wife may have the ability to prevent the sale until our youngest completes full-time education. Given the financial constraints, it will be challenging for me to secure a home on my own, which can accommodate regular visits from the children. It is my utmost desire to be the best father I can be, and part of me is inclined to fight for the house. However, I want to proceed with caution, keeping the children’s best interests in mind.
AI Legalese Decoder can assist in understanding the legal implications of selling the house, exploring alternatives, and evaluating potential options to ensure a stable environment for the kids. By analyzing specific laws and regulations, this tool can provide you with a clearer picture of the situation and equip you with valuable information when seeking professional advice from lawyers specializing in family and property law.
I appreciate any guidance or insights you can provide. The welfare of my children and maintaining a healthy relationship with them is of utmost importance to me, and I want to navigate this challenging situation with the right advice and support. Thank you for your assistance.
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****** just grabbed a
If your name is on the deeds itÔÇÖs your house too and she cannot force you out. DonÔÇÖt leave in a hurry, it sounds like sheÔÇÖs received some advice on how to play this game to her advantage.
Realistically the house either needs to be sold or one of you takes it over if itÔÇÖs financially possible to do so. There are situations where the sale can be held off til the youngest child is 18 but itÔÇÖs less common these days.
You donÔÇÖt mention your financial situation but your wife needs to understand that there are two people in this divorce. One of whom needs to pay for another home plus bills. IÔÇÖd also ask her if she will pay the mortgage in full if you move out, because youÔÇÖre liable for it jointly while your name is on the mortgage. Can she afford it?
IÔÇÖd engage a solicitor ASAP to work through a financial settlement with her because you also need to consider all your joint and individual assets.
From someone who has been there being the best Dad means not giving in and giving everything to her. Your kids need you to be happy and healthy in a place they feel welcome. The divorce should be about separating things fairly so you and your wife can both move forward and the kids are secure. Dont forget youll likely be paying her child maintenance for their upkeep.
OP please read this…
If there is no DA you do not need to leave the property.
Doing so reduces your chance of selling the property and seeing your children.
Set up a bed downstairs and live life as you normally would until you have come to a decision on how to split the finances (sell the property). Its better for the children as they understand the relationships broken down but that you are both there for your children.
Be mature about the situation. Understand that no-one wins at getting divorced but that you both can come of it with a positive relationship if you treat the process as a business transaction.
In my experience the problems come when the other halves so-called friends give them ‘advice’ and poison the water. It’s worth highlighting this to them early on but stress that you want what’s best for your children and what is FAIR for you both.
I wish you the best of luck on this part of your journey through life. Remember that you once fell in love with this person and that she bore you 2 wonderful humans and that you all deserve a happy life. She will always remain in your life in some way or another so try to be friendly, if not friends. It will be as scary for her as it is you, but it is a process, and like all processes there will be an end.
Last bit. In 18 months from now you’ll look back on this time, make sure it’s only positive behaviour you remember seeing from yourself.
Peace and love.
Yeah, do not move out. I have a divorced friend who did this thinking he was being gentlemanly. Turns out she’d been planning everything with a solicitor for a long time and he got shafted.
As everyone else has said, seek legal advice and do not leave the house.
If you leave, even briefly, you’ll have a very hard time moving back in should you need to. The courts will look at it as you left, should it get to that point.
I’ve got a close friend going through something similar and she’s the one leaving to rent somewhere else as she initiated the separation. It’s not so black and white, especially if the childcare is spilt more equally and both parties work.
You’re as entitled to be there just as much as she is. Yeah you won’t want to live together forever but don’t move out just because her mates have put ideas in her head and now she demands it. It’s your home too and you both need to work out what’s best for the whole family.
My ex moved out and my daughter went with her. All sorted amicably now. However, the thing about not being able to move kids out of the house is a bit overblown. People move houses – this is a thing that happens. Your kids will adjust. If you start down this route of selling the house being off the table, it could be very bad for you indeed.
In summary – see a solicitor and under no circumstances move out (as everyone has said).
From a benefits perspective she absolutely wonÔÇÖt get into trouble if you continue to live there, as long as she makes sure to tell them that you are not partners. You might be treated as a non-dependent adult, but she will only get into trouble if she is lying and saying you are still her partner.
Source: I work in benefits.
Something similar happened to friends.
It took, time, effort and good will on both sides, but as adults who both loved their children and want stability for them above everything, they came up a with a novel solution.
The family home was kept and a very small studio flat was rented/purchased, not sure which. The children stayed in the family home and the adults would swap over until both their finances had improved, their was more equity in the family home and the children were older and more settled. Then the family home was sold and 2 smaller properties bought that were relatively close to each other.
It certainly was not plain sailing, but to their credit they both always put their kids first.
Go and get some legal advice before you have any more conversations or do anything.
This might be a pretty gendered view but taking gender out of it, the partner with the least financial resources may well end up with a larger share or ongoing support from the other.
This could easily progress into her taking 51% care, keeping the children in the house until they are 18, receiving child maintenance from you as well as receiving benefits and you remaining responsible for the mortgage.
The safest thing for your benefit is selling the house and splitting the asset now. You can both potentially walk away with enough to setup again.
Go work out a strategy with someone experienced in these things. Emotional attachments to houses gets costly.
Speak to a solicitor immediately and donÔÇÖt leave the house.
The time for reddit queries has already passed.
I know youÔÇÖre concerned about the stability of your childrenÔÇÖs lives but remember that that will also be impacted if their father is financially wrecked and put out of his home.
Again, speak to a solicitor.
[removed]
About 14 years ago I was in your shoes, I chose to leave the house and live in rented accommodation. Because like you I wanted to keep a roof over my kids heads we did not sell the house. My name remained on the mortgage, my ex pays all the monthly mortgage payments.
I now completely regret that, I should have got advice before leaving the house and we should have sold it.
It is hard (almost impossible) for kids to afford a house these days, so despite being in their early 20s they still live there.
So I have been renting for 14 years (at ridiculous prices), cannot get a mortgage because I already have one, so it gets treated as a second home.
Realistically we are not going to sell the house now and I lost everything I invested in it. No idea how I will provide for myself in retirement (which is not really that far away).
If we had sold the house and split the money, yes, the kids would have been upset. But that would pass. By now we would both own our own houses and be happy.
So my advice is, definitely get legal advice before moving out, and seriously look into selling the property if you do move out.
DonÔÇÖt move out of the house until youÔÇÖve spoken to a solicitor. It is your house so do not leave.
Re the universal credit. She can still have a valid claim and you be in the house. The onus is on her proving that you’re now living separately. Eg she’s not laundering and cooking for you. Not sharing a bedroom etc. Thus may pose issues, but plenty of couples on separating have to do similarly.
If you have the children 5050, then her gender is irrelevant with regards who remains in the home. And realistically, if she cannot afford a home to buy, she’d get greater support for rent than you.
Word to the wise, make sure that you are both claiming for one child with the child benefit moving forward as this could become a crux in what support you can also get in the longer term.
Dont do it, stay put. At some point she will be advised (by friends, solicitors, cheerleaders) to have custody of the kids, and they will live with her in the family home that youll pay for along with thousands of maintenance. Read these words.STAY PUT
Go see a solicitor as soon as you can. And for what it’s worth, I was the husband, I stayed in the house with my children and raised them up myself.
The biggest mistake I made in my divorce was leaving the home before getting legal advice.
That instantly made my ex-wife the resident parent and able to call the shots with the kids untill I got a court order. That involved stopping contact completely for 4 months with zero consequences beyond a stern talking to from a judge.
It also meant that the court saw the status quo as being me not seeing the kids at all. Apparently they don’t like radical changes to the status quo so my contact took years to increase to a sensible amount.
Go and see a solicitor immediately. Like take time off work if you have to it is ESSENTIAL. Even better if she hasn’t thought to do the same and is just listening to the girls.
Do not leave the house, even temporarily. You do NOT want to appear adequately housed even for a moment and establish any sort of status quo.
Now that it has been agreed do NOT agree to less than 50/50 childcare/contact as long as you can maintain it – again do not establish any new status quos.
As things stand, everyone is safe in the house, and it is causing minimum upheaval for the children. It’s sorry to say but the moment she decided to initiate separation you no longer owe her anything other than some baseline respect and willingness to co-parent amicably if possible and do what’s best for your children.
Now doing what is best for the children is NOT what all the other women tell her is best for the children. You living at home with your parents with no space to have the children 50/50 and never alone and on your own terms whilst you get hammered in child support whilst she just enjoys everything the same as before but with even more cash and a free babysitter is NOT what’s best for your children.
Your ex partner will likely be housed very quickly via the council if she cannot afford to privately rent or buy outright, certainly much faster than you and you won’t be housed period of you spend even a week at your parents.
Honestly the best thing you can do is probably sell the house, pay off any debts and then split remaining equity and both decide whether to rebuy or privately rent individually.
This should not be a cake and eat it situation. Yeah she or you both might not end up in as nice a living situation, yeah that ‘might’ affect the children but when you decide to leave a marriage and children you should really be considering ALL aspects of that decision and not just aw fuck it, if everything’s the same but they’re not here it’ll be better.
Again, see a lawyer like yesterday, do not leave your house, do not agree to see the children any less than 50/50 and for the immediate future put yourself level alongside your children for your priorities and make sure that’s hundreds of rungs above your now ex on the totem pole.
Some people work things out amicably, most don’t. Be prepared for the worst, hope for the best. Better to be a position to agree to certain things through choice than have them taken from you. When/if it starts to get messy, you will not be afforded the same luxury of ‘being a good/nice guy’
Just so you are aware, you living in the property if she can prove you are separated and divorcing and not a couple. But there for financial reasons will not effect her benefits in anyway and who ever told her that it would is giving her incorrect advice.
They Dwp are aware of the current climate and that more and more separated people are forced to share accommodation due to finances. So donÔÇÖt let her use that as a reason to make you leave.
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Moving out is discretionary. You need to get legal advice (ideally together) but it sounds like you need to sell the house.
You can stay in the house until your divorce.
You can sell the house or your partner can buy you out.
You and your partner can buy separate houses.
It really depends on who ends up with what.
If you canÔÇÖt split fairly, engage a solicitor.
My partner and I very nearly went through this.
We discussed the possibility of house sharing. The house would be our son’s full time home. The parent living in it would change according to whose day it was. We would share rent of a studio flat nearby for the other parent to stay in on their off days.
We didn’t have to go down this route in the end as we found a way forward, but it felt like the most reasonable and fair option for the kids.
1) you don’t need to leave, you own half the house.
2) get a lawyer now, seriously get a lawyer and start discussing distribution of assets.
3) stay calm, be respectful, don’t rise to any goading
4) her claim for UC being incorrect if she stays, is honestly, her own problem, not yours.
5) 50/50 childcare is hard to manage, this is what I am doing and it is very difficult with a non-responsive partner.
She applied without telling you and now she’s saying you have to leave or she could get into trouble? So why did she not tell.you this before? I’d tell her that she needs to move out if she wants to live separately right away, and the house needs to go up for sale. Don’t hurry to leave. She applied without your knowledge by the sounds of it, so she got herself in that situation. Let her be the one to jump ship first. You’ve said she earns a decent wage so she isn’t going to be destitute.
DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE.
Lawyer up ASAP OP and let them guide you through this fairly.
NAL, but if it helps, join The Dadnset on FB. Loads of dads on there that have been through the exact same thing. All of them mention NOT leaving the marital home as it leaves them extremely worse off.
DO NOT MOVE OUT!
No matter the pressure, do not move out! Once you do you have lost a negotiating position.
I’ve heard of some couples who separate both living in the family home 50/50 when it’s there time with the kids. This obviously means staying with parents/friends or having a small rented place each to stay when not in the family home- but means the kids don’t move around the parents do. This obviously becomes harder to manage if you meet other people and want to take out a second mortgage.
She may not be able to get the mortgage solely on her own. My sister works pt and is topped up with universal credits, the kids go to their dads one sometimes 2 nights a week so he pays maintenance too- she has been rejected for keeping on the mortgage and is having a hard time finding another provider at the moment that will give her one. So yous would be best speaking to your provider at the moment and see if it’s even an option.
What a horrible woman. ‘the girls said you have to move out lol bye’. Evil.
SheÔÇÖs playing the game. You do not have to leave unless there is a court judgement saying so. You also do not have to sell the house. Get a solicitor. And make her put everything in writing. She is breaking UC rules, not you. NAL.
IÔÇÖve been through it. HereÔÇÖs my thoughts on it.
Without getting too personal
Even on an agreement of 50/50 child care itÔÇÖs likely the mother will still be consisted the primary care givers in most circumstances without special circumstances so you moving out is probably more likely than her.
If the children will primarily reside with her in the legal sense can she afford to move anywhere else?
For example living in a 5 bedroom home with 3 people would not be considered a necessity to remain free of homelessness. If a house sale could potentially provide you both and the kids with a reasonable standard of living and you both agree to it it could be a good route.
You should be at least be prepared for every trick possible and that a large legal cost might be involved and therefor in the practical sense, getting a fair deal might not be there even if the law says so. It certainly didnÔÇÖt for me and I had to concede after a lot of legal costs because my kids were being dragged into it and against me as a tool.
Not saying this will happen but in my experience the father often gets a raw deal unless theyÔÇÖre prepared to be ruthless – in my case I was not. I conceded for the kids at the moment and trying to move on. Good luck
Doing the financial order is essential otherwise ever after the divorce youll still be tied to her and she can ask for more money, from your paycheck, inheritance, pension,
SheÔÇÖs getting advice to get as much as she can from you and sheÔÇÖs listening to them. You cannot trust her.
A happy dad will make happy children. If youÔÇÖre broke because she takes everything, the children will suffer also.