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## Concern for Nephew’s Well-being

My nephew, who is 11 years old, has been visiting his father every other weekend for a considerable amount of time. However, he has now expressed his reluctance to continue these visits due to feeling mistreated by his dad. He has described his father as a bully, citing instances where he has belittled him by calling him fat, criticizing his teeth, and asking him to toughen up when he shows emotions. These actions have had a negative impact on my nephew’s mental well-being, causing distress and anxiety.

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## Parental Conflict and Threats

A significant concern arises from the father’s aggressive behavior towards my sister whenever she attempts to address the issue and communicate my nephew’s reluctance to visit. The father’s threats of causing a scene at the school gates indicate a lack of cooperation and an inclination towards escalating conflicts. This behavior has caused stress and anxiety for my sister, adding to the already tense situation.

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## Seeking Solutions

Given the detrimental impact of the father’s behavior on my nephew’s well-being and the distress it has caused my sister, it is imperative to explore avenues to prevent further harm. As my nephew’s guardian, my primary concern is to ensure his safety and emotional health. I am seeking advice on possible legal measures that can be taken to address this situation and protect my nephew from any further emotional distress.

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13 Comments

  • Accurate-One4451

    He can just refuse to go. If Dad wants to force the visit via the court system then your nephew’s wishes will be taken into account and will only become more relevant as he gets older.

  • OneSufficientFace

    Speak to the school, they are able to help with safeguarding and will also be able to help point you in any directions you need to go.
    But your neohew is old enough now that that opinion will be taken into account so let him force it through courts. If he tells the courts he doesnt want to go any more his feelings on the matter will be considered, especially when the father is acting like a bully

  • Vyseria

    There’s no court order so sister can just tell dad (of the kid) that nephew doesn’t want to go. She might be asked why and then she can tell him why.

    If dad wants to force contact, that’s a c100 application. Cafcass will then be involved and speak to sister and dad and draft a ‘schedule 2’ letter, which sets out whether there are any safeguarding risks to the kid.

    It’s set for a directions hearing and court will hear both sides before deciding what next steps are required. If Cafcass have identified safeguarding risks then the court will definitely take that on board when deciding next steps. If there are issues of the type you are describing involved (and definitely if there are safeguarding risks) the carcass may well be ordered to do a section 7 report which is basically like a longer schedule 2 letter but more detailed and the kid will be spoken to (likely to be anyway)

    There is no age the kid has to reach before his views (wishes and feelings) are taken into account, it’s based on the general maturity/understanding of the child.

    After that there’s another hearing and whether or not that’s the final one depends on the issues raised/challenges and points raised by either party.

    In terms of kicking up a fuss at the school gates, I don’t know what that means, but if there’s a breach of the peace, call the police. And then raise it with the cafcass officer (if the courts do become involved)

    Hope that helps.

  • BandicootOk5540

    If dad makes a scene at the school gates, or even just turns up after being told not to because nephew does not want to go with him, call the police. Ask school to keep nephew inside until dad is gone. He’s 11 and he has the right not to be left with a bully.

  • Twambam

    I think it’s time to gather evidence of the bullying and abusive behaviour his dad is doing. It will make things a lot easier to prove in court, if he is going down that route. It’s also child abuse too and it’s a social services and safeguarding matter. They can get some kind of court order in place too. I think social services is best because of the abuse and the son doesn’t want to go.

    Please log and date it and ask your sister to do the same. If he’s at the school gates you can audio recording him with your phone or dictaphone. She can have friends hang around there and to help with statements and to also log it.

    Ask the school can help with safeguarding too but it’s still mainly a referral to social services. They can do other things if your sister discusses it with them. The statutory guidance for safeguarding only requires them to go to social services for this matter and maybe the police if it’s bad enough.

  • g_the_explorer

    Once your nephew reaches the age of 12, the court will take into account his custody preferences. If I were your sister I would begin collecting evidence of the abusive behaviour and contact a family lawyer to make a case for full custody. I am assuming you don’t mind burning bridges with your nephew’s dad based on his behaviour.

  • Jhe90

    Call the local council. It will be called MASH Etc or some other name. Child social services can advise you in frame with the laws and other frameworks.

    They can advise and allow to raise the safeguarding issue for the child with his father and categorise/ and decide what best to do.

    They will be able to better advise with the context, information etx and history.

    If an county border. Jr’s most likely handled by where they “rest their head” aka their main parents home.

  • Electrical_Concern67

    Is there a court order?

  • jimbobedidlyob

    Sister needs to talk to the school, collect evidence of the bullying. Consider legal support and worth talking to social care/strengthening families.

  • secretlydobby

    If in England, tell the mum to contact Early Help and say Dad is emotionally abusing the boy and putting pressure on her/threatening her. The comments he makes are emotional abuse. If dad wants to see his son he’ll have to get a solicitor and go to court. Social workers don’t take too kindly to a parent who emotionally abuses their child.

  • Scragglymonk

    let the school know, and maybe the court contact ?

    if the lad is being bullied by his dad, no need for him to go

    it is almost as if the dad has gotten bored of having the kid over on a regular basis and wants to dump the thing altogether

  • cozywit

    Acting as devils advocate here.

    If you take the potential bias out of the message here, you could argue there is a father here who:

    – Cares about his son’s health. Obesity is a national health crisis and he might be trying to help his son lose weight. This for the child however means he is not getting junk food and provided healthy meals instead. I know that piss my kids off as well. It’s he kicking off because he’s not getting a McDonald’s?

    – Cares for his son’s oral health. Teeth really shouldn’t be yellow, especially at age 11. He might not be cleaning them correctly and the father is only trying to encourage proper teeth cleaning. This would also be relevant to his diet as well, junk food and sweets well cause further teeth issues.

    – “man up” and other phrases might be just general discipline and behaviour correction from the father. I know kids that have tantrums if they’re not allowed to play video games all day. Or burst into tears at the slightest inconvenience. It’s not necessarily bullying to teach children resilience and tolerance or call out childish behaviour. The accusations from your nephew could be exaggerated as his father might be parenting stricter than his mother and he wants the easier life.

    – threatening to act up at the school needs further clarification. Threatening what?

    This might be hard to hear, but judging by the way you have described the father, it’s clear the separation of your sister and him was unpleasant and so emotions are still probably high and the biases is strong. I would take an impartial look at your sister’s parenting, your nephew’s actual behaviour, health and hygiene and review, is this a genuine case of child abuse. Or is this a disagreement in parental styles soured by a foul breakup.

    Courts are likely to take a dim view on relationship attacks through their children.

  • Cotehill

    So your sister has allowed the boy to get fat, she doesn’t promote sport or activity, and doesn’t make him brush his teeth.

    The father may be an AH, but your sister is ruining the kids life. If he listened to his dad and did something about it he would turn out fine.

    But while you and your family portent these bad behaviours by your sister not parenting properly, the lads life is ruined